The Illusion of Love

So many things have been said about LOVE. So many definitions have been given. They are probably all correct. But one big illusion that most share is the idea that your love can create a long-lasting tie. You  wrongly believe that it can fulfill all the needs of the person you love. Well, it cannot, it’s only an illusion, because what you can give your beloved is only what YOU think they wish for. In spite of your closeness, you will never really, totally know their deepest needs and desires. All you can do is give them what you are able to, without falling into the trap of believing you can tie them to you forever.

The Lebanese-American poet Kahlil Gibran wrote in his best known book, "The Prophet": “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it means they have always been yours. If they don’t, it means they have never been yours.”

Wise words, worth remembering, always!

Do-It-Yourself Stuff

It seems that nowadays we can learn to do almost anything by “ourselves”. Go to any bookstore and see how many do-it-yourself books you can find. Galore. You can learn how to grow a vegetable garden, how to obtain a better body, how to get a more charming personality, how to make your house more elegant, how to build a shelf, to straighten your hair, how… how… So, it appears that you can really be and do whatever you want because there are people out there ready and willing to teach you how to do it. I wonder if the methods they describe really work. Well, if they do… good! If they don’t… too bad!
I also wonder if other, more spiritual stuff, can be taught. Certainly, you’ll say. Look at all the “spiritual” self-help books available on the market! (I, myself, have written quite a few.) But… Do they work? Do they really bring about fruitful results? Do people learn to love more, to be more understanding, less egotistic? Can these things actually be taught and learned? I’m not sure. A sort of “help” can be given, but the most important thing is your personal willingness to learn, to try, to experiment and finally… to change whatever needs to be changed inside yourself. The main point is this: You are the only one who can make things happen. Don’t blame the book, the article or the speaker if things don’t improve in your own life. They all say what they know, what works for them. You need to use their guidelines to make things work for you.

An interesting Letter: "D"

GoD (English)  Dio (Italian)  Dieu (French)  Dios (Spanish)  Deus (Latin)  Dumnezeu (Romanian)  Diyos    (Philipino)   GuD (Danish)   Duw (Welsh)  Dia (Irish).

What does this list of the translation of the word God mean? Simply this. While looking at them, I noticed that in many languages such word contains the letter D and a weird idea struck me. Capital D is a perfect semi-circle. A full circle is the symbol for perfection and completeness, so a half circle could mean that all we can actually know about the Supreme Force (Prime Creator or however you want to call it) is just a half of the whole. What we - as we presently are - won't be able to understand, to discover, to know, is the other half. It's what in Arabic is perfectly defined as "Alam al ghaib", the hidden world. And also what the philosopher Michel de Montaigne meant when he wrote, "What we don't know (yet) is nothing compared to what we  shall never know". Depressing statement? I don't think so. A mystic said that we should aim at the stars although we know that we will never reach them. Or... Maybe we will. Who knows? No one can tell for sure what is bound to happen. Why not try our best to outdo ourselves, to accomplish something special, something worthwhile? Something to be proud of? No need for heroism, just being the best we can be is enough.

Prophets of Today

I was recently thinking about the prophets of the past, about the impact they made on their contemporaries and the influence they exercised on the following generations as well. Let's see what this word actually means. Beside the religious definition of the word prophet, there is another explanation, i.e. a person regarded as an inspired teacher, gifted with profound moral insight and exceptional powers  of expression. Isn't it interesting to wonder about what's going on today? In the olden days it seemed that people needed a spiritual guide, someone to show them the right path, whenever they were conducting themselves in an immoral, corrupt, unethical way. Therefore, they got what they needed and were ready to accept it. What about today? Do people need  modern prophets? They probably do, but would they be ready  to listen to a real one? Anyway, what is at hand right now? There are so many "gurus" who think more about making money than actually helping people by giving them real tools for self-help. I don't deny that there are a few (very few) who are honest and say something sensible and actually feasible. Most of them are just wise guys who have found their Eldorado (mythical gold city), exploiting the desire of many to improve their lives. And let's not forget the many miraculous healers and seers. The former trick you into believing that what they write/say will bring you back to health, the latter proclaim they can predict the end of the world (although it seems they never get it right!). Beware. There is always money and/or power involved! 

Find the Right Fitting!

I was looking at a baby girl in her mother's arms. She was so small, pretty, innocent. She was smiling and seemed utterly satisfied, happy. She had all she needed. She felt protected, secure. She was "fulfilled" (so to say) because all her needs were provided for. I started wondering about this baby's possible future. For how long will she go on feeling the same contentment? Soon she'll become a toddler... so tantrums will start. "I want it!". The first hint of rebellion and expectations is already there, expressed quite loudly. Next stage: teen-age. "You don't tell me what to do!" Here the rebellion is openly verbalized. As a youngster, while still unconsciously feeling protected, she will need to underline her own (still shaping up) personality. The rebellious nature of a human being is at its peak, and it is shown with no half measures. Then she will learn to manage her feelings better and trod through life in several possible specific ways. If she chooses the path of selfishness, she'll try to get as much as possible, all for herself. Pattern: "I am the best. I deserve it all. Who cares about the others?" The hateful, overpowering harpy (or dictator, in the case of a man). On the other hand, the altruist says, “I care for you, I’ll help you”. If she decides to be a victim, it will be the "Poor me, poor me" mental pattern. The abused one. "What should I do? Advise me, you know better". Here is the meek follower speaking. "Come with me. I'll guide you because I know it all", the leader forcefully asserts.  She could either become kind or aggressive, quiet or loud, friendly or withdrawn, shy or outspoken and assertive. Wow. There are so many possible outcomes in this little baby's  future. She will also have to face her challenges, as everybody else. I wish her to choose to walk on  the best path, the most rewarding for her. There is no "one path" that can suit  every person. Like a jacket or a pair of shoes, each person must find the right size. If they try to wear the wrong one, they will suffer from feet ache or a bad shoulder fitting!

Different Opinions

The weather - although still uncertain and changeable - was quite warm. I had lots of fun looking at how differently people were clothed. Such a huge diversity that it seemed almost unbelievable. I saw some wearing sleeveless tops, others had light shirts or T-shirts on. Nevertheless.... quite a few were wearing jackets and even hooded winter coats! As usual (it happens when I see something I find interesting), this great variety made me reflect - once again- upon the huge difference in perception that human beings experience. (I know that I often  write about the same subjects but... Repetition leads to Learning) . Just think about it. The weather is the same for everybody, same temperature, same sunshine. Yet, some feel hot, others warm, others almost ... freezing. Isn't it intriguing? I believe this to be an additional proof that reality exists all in the mind. Whatever we believe to be true, it "is". You may be willing to think about this apparent contradiction ("Hey, I'm sweating and that guy is in a windbreaker?" or "I find this to be a rip-off and she says it's a bargain?"). Such reflection will be useful, in particular, when you are dealing with someone who has an opinion that greatly differs from yours. You say, "It's so evident that this candidate is much better than the other one. How can't he see it?". But, mind you, "he" is thinking exactly the same about his own political champion (or whatever else you are talking about). Try to be more lenient, to accept people and things as they are, without any negative judgment and without trying to impose your opinion. Each is entitled to their own.

Originals vs. Doubles

I’ve come across a couple of interesting quotes by two world-famous actresses of the past. Ingrid Bergman said: “Be yourself. The world worships the original.” And these are Judy Garland’s words: “Always be a first version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” They have certainly been true originals, creating a personal, unmistakable style both in their acting careers and in their private lives. We are not here to judge their personal lives but only to admire their determination to be who they wanted to be, who they believed they should be. This is what mainly counts: to be honest towards yourself and only endeavor to express your convictions, your deepest feelings, without accepting to be conditioned by what others say or do. If you agree with them, no problem. But if you conform only in order to be accepted as “one of them”, you are betraying who you really are. You become a copy of somebody else, a fake double who will always be compared to the “original”. The above mentioned actresses will never be mistaken for someone else. But... think of the many Hollywood starlets who look all so alike that you can’t even distinguish one from another. Same hair, same lips, same body, same smile… So much for originality!

Consultancy Versus Autonomy

 The official definition of the word "consultant" is: A person who provides expert advice professionally. But I can't forget another definition - funny but worth considering - that says: A consultant is an individual who borrows your watch to tell you the time. Nowadays too many people proclaim to be experts in this and that field only to lure you into hiring them. Most of the things consultants tell you is stuff that you can easily find out by yourself about. I took the time to check out the different kinds of consultants available on the market. The list is longer than an arm. A few of the most "charming" titles are: home staging c.- clutter c.- skin care c.- philosophic c.- image c.-weight loss c.- wedding c. and many, many others. They even advise you to discover your inner consultant. So, what kind of consultant do "you" want to become? It could certainly be a rewarding activity. Now, look, I am not trying here to despise a respectable job, that could be highly helpful in really difficult fields such as, for example, tax filing. But as to other stuff, you can just find plenty of information by yourself and, most of all, you can use your common sense. If you have dry skin, you can make a search and find the best cream for you. Or... do you need an expert to tell you that you have dry skin and need to use a suitable treatment? I'll conclude with a joke I read somewhere.

The Company big boss says, "The consultants we brought in to monitor the consultants who are looking into our cutting back on consultants are recommending specialist consultants". 

Musical Bliss

While listening to a sublime melody, the final waltz of the ballet "Sleeping Beauty", I have a question for you, if you care to take the time to think for a moment and answer. Do you have a favorite kind  or piece of music, composer, song? Classical, jazz, pop, folk... whatever it is, what feeling does it awake in your spirit? I invite you to analyze the emotions that listening to it evokes in your deeper "self". I like different kinds of music styles and I enjoy listening to them all. But the music of Russian composer Piotr Tchaikovsky is for me the epitome of perfection, it is a music that seems to be written only for me, especially when I am feeling a sweet kind of melancholy that makes me willing to be alone and let my mind and heart float into infinity, with no aim, just experiencing and absorbing the beauty of the melody. His music can raise your soul to the highest places imaginable, in a sort of spiritual heaven. If you know at least a few pieces from "The Nutcracker" or "Swan Lake" you may understand what I am talking about. I am no critic and I am all but an expert. I only know that this  music gifts me with moments of pure bliss. I hope you, too, have a piece or a song that is able to make you happy, no matter for how short a time. Elation of the spirit cannot be measured. It's the feeling and the emotion that count.

Accident?

If you stay alert, you can learn so much about people's behavior, even in rather common occurrences. And, if you are willing to, you can learn a lot from every single one. Here is an example.

Picture this scene: a long line of cars stationary at a red traffic light. The light becomes green, the cars start to move, then the first two suddenly stop again. The third one is not quick enough in hitting the brakes and slightly bumps into the car in front. Not more than a scratch. While the "hitter" gets out of the car in order to apologize and exchange insurance phone numbers, the individual who was "struck" stays locked inside and calls 911, claiming that an injury accident has taken place. Within a couple of minutes three police cars, a fire engine and an ambulance converge on the site of the "accident". A big fuss, while the victim also starts mentioning some pain, allegedly caused by the "accident". The whole thing is just a waste of time and resources for all those involved. Why? Because one individual wanted to create a case and see if a financial benefit could be obtained from the circumstance. Any conversation was refused, no communication was accepted or established with the other party. This situation recently happened to a friend, but I believe it's a rather common case, that can of course take place in many different way, situations and circumstances. The  sad reflection is that there are many people who do not trust others, who believe everybody else is dangerous, who are afraid of being taken advantage of (so they try to do it first), who prefer to fight (maybe even go to court) rather than find an agreement or a compromise, who would never give others the benefit of the doubt. What a depressing world these people are living in!

Old Or New? Both OK!

An Italian proverb says, "If you leave the old road for a new one, you know what you are leaving behind but not what you will find." This seems to advise you to stay put, because the unknown could be scary or deceitful. On the other hand, Positive Thinking encourages you to abandon old stuff (ideas, habits, maybe even your environment, if you feel the need for a change). Are these two concepts in contrast? I don't believe they are. My opinion is that, at important crossroads in your life, you should follow your intuition and dare to step out of your old ways. If this possibility entered your mind, it means that there is something to it. It means that you have to take it into consideration, because it could mark a positive shift in your well-arranged existence. But, be careful. Making a choice does not mean that you are going to be chained to it forever, as many seem to think. You step onto the new path and do your best to make it work. But if, at a certain point, you realize that it was not the optimal decision, that it did not yield the result you had hoped for, you can still go back to the old road and... try to make it work better. Let's never forget that we are free to decide what we want to do with our lives. But wisdom must be our guide. We are no children who are allowed to change their minds at a whim. We are (hopefully) reasoning adults who, by now, should be able to discriminate between what is positive and what is not.

Inspiration Needed

A thoughtful quote says: "Aspire to Inspire before you Expire". Isn't it cute? Do you also see the great wisdom behind it? What does aspire mean? It means to direct one's hopes or ambition towards achieving something. And inspire? Is means to create positive feelings in another, and/or the desire and ability to do something in particular. And, finally, what is the definition of expire? Quite simple: it means to come to an end. "Your" end. So? Don't you think that it would be worthwhile to manage your own life in a way that, beside making yourself (hopefully) happy - as you deserve - it could also be an example for somebody else? Imagine the fulfillment you will experience when a relative, a friend or a simple acquaintance tells you : "You inspired my life" or "You gave me the courage to go on" or "You provided me with the strength I needed to dare". Wow. This is something worth thinking about. I believe that our main goal in life is to do good to ourselves and, as an immediate consequence, to do good to our fellow human beings. If we think only of ourselves we become selfish. But the perfect love of ourselves cannot be separated from the love towards the rest of the world. Don't forget that we are all connected to each other. The good must be shared, because it belongs to all. And those who have a greater awareness are the ones more directly responsible for the sharing.

Malicious Gossip

I have recently happened to read that, in the olden days, an Italian artist I admire very much had to suffer from false accusations which, fortunately, were proven false. I don't deny that, at times, accusations may be true, so it is only fair that the guilty be punished according to the law. But there are also situations where malicious individuals try to take advantage of others, especially if they are fairly well-known figures. This brings me to think about how some creatures, being a "nobody", feel the need to bring down someone who has been able to become a "somebody". So they invent false accusations and endeavor to destroy their fame and success. I put on the same levels the authors who praise themselves for writing destructive biographies of famous personages. Why do they need to do that? It's exclusively for money, what else? I don't accept their claim about "people" needing to be informed, to know the truth. Absolute rubbish. Famous people are also human beings like you and me, and they have the right to their private life, beyond the public image that is shown to the public. If you knew that Shakespeare or Dante Alighieri had a certain "vice", would that diminish their greatness, their genius as authors, as poets? I don't think so! Therefore why is there today this desire, this taste for gossip, in writing and in reading? The only answer is that petty, inferior people, with very low self-esteem (both authors and readers) feel better knowing that some of their fellow human beings - clearly more talented than they are - are "imperfect".  But.... whoever said that famous people are "gods"? They are just gifted. Should they be punished for that?

Full Recovery

Yesterday morning I was pleasantly relaxing in my swimming pool, when I happened to see a little wasp lying down - belly up - in a puddle of water on the surrounding tiles. "Poor thing", I thought, "it must have drowned". But soon after I saw a movement. Its tiny legs started quivering, then the whole body was strongly trying to pull itself up and turn around to regain balance. It seemed it would never succeed until, finally, the little wasp was able to upturn itself. "Wonderful", I thought," now it's safe". I left my observation point and went for a swim but, when I looked again, the insect was still there, standing in the water, totally still. I grew worried. "Is it really okay or isn't it?", I wondered. Maybe the effort had totally depleted it of all the strength necessary to fully recover. I went for another lap and, when I got back (by now I had really grown interested in the little wasp's destiny) I found that... it was not there any more! Yey! It had evidently regained its strength and flown away. Isn't this a story that wonderfully represents how life works? I witnessed the fall, the apparent death, the slow and rather difficult recovery, the temporary inaction and....back to full activity once again. What do you do when you are compelled to face a very difficult situation? At first to tend to give in to despair, you feel you will never be able to recover from the terrible blow that has thrown you down on the carpet and that seems to be keeping you there ... forever. But it doesn't. If you believe you can get up, you will. It might take an effort, even a great effort, but you can do it, provided you find enough motivation to try. Then you need some quiet time to "rebuild" you confidence, to deeply examine yourself and discover all the assets you still have, in order to start all over again. All you need is the awareness that nothing is ever lost. As a human being, you have been granted all the tools you need to face the situation that YOU are being challenged by. Have you ever wondered why "you" and "another" are facing different situations? Because you have the tools to face yours, they have the tools to face theirs.

Read The World

Imagine that the world is a book, a very big, thick book. There are so many pages to flip through, there is so much to see and to learn about other countries, people and civilizations.  In order to really "know", you might think that it is indispensable to travel, so those who do not visit different places in person are similar to the ones who read only one page of the book, i.e. their own hometown and environment. This is certainly true, because visiting Paris or Rome and seeing their beauties in person is quite delightful. But as not everyone has the opportunity to fly here and there and beyond, other means are nowadays available to become acquainted with the rest of the world. What is important is to have the desire, the will to engage oneself in the acquisition of knowledge. If you remain in your shell, content with what surrounds you and do not wish to learn more, you will keep on leading a very - I don't want to use the word "dull" - but certainly repetitive life, with no wider horizons in sight. On the other hand, being curious can encourage you to read more, to find out about things that might excite your interest. You might discover that you like to know something else, something new, something you did not know about science, geography or history. Your enthusiasm will grow while you  keep exploring new fields or delving deeper into old ones. Although I have no scientific mind, I experienced how true this is when, reading a simple definition of quantum physics (which I knew absolutely nothing about), I grew more and more interested and greatly enjoyed finding out a bit more about such complicated and fascinating subject. Nowadays you can really become familiar even with the most abstruse topic because innumerable learning tools are at your disposal, beside the more traditional "books" (still my favorite, though!). Einstein believed that his only "special talent" was curiosity, therefore.... what about us? What about "you"?

Again On Disappointment

I have already written about disappointment but, as it is an experience common to ALL, and as it is among the most devastating ones, I believe it is worth resuming the talk on the subject, for further reflection. Disappointment, more often than not, impacts our lives quite negatively.  And I am using the adjective “devastating” on purpose, although many may not agree on my choice of word because they think it to be an exaggeration. Well, it is not. It all depends (as usual!) on the point of view. Disappointment can be faced in different ways because human beings are different: a shrug or tears, resignation or rage. Any reaction towards it is always negative, in a way or another because it causes a psychological storm inside the body as well as the spirit. A letdown can really hurt and leave a permanent scar - that, possibly, will never be erased - in the memory and in the soul. Even those who show that they don’t care or that they have overcome it, will never forget it. Why is disappointment such a strong feeling? Because it has something in common with betrayal . You believe you have done all you had to do in order to get a certain result, you trusted, but the result did not materialize. Or, even if it materialized, it did not yield the outcome you expected. You feel that you don’t deserve such a treatment, that you have been dealt unfairly with. It might be that someone had promised you a favor, and you counted on it because you really wanted or needed it. But they did not keep their word. A friend offered to help you out in solving a problem (or simply to fix your car or your hair), but later he/she found excuses to withdraw or, even worse, they forgot all about it. Breaking a commitment made about agreeing to do something for another is a real betrayal. That’s why it is so upsetting and difficult to accept.

Ego and True Self

Is it possible to get rid of our "ego"? Many thinkers believe that it's the ego that causes all our pain and suffering. As the ego is the sense of self-esteem and self-importance, when something (somebody's words or a situation) inflicts a blow that hurts such deep sense of who we believe we are, it would be wonderful to be able to eliminate it once and for all, and live happily ever after. I don't believe that getting rid of this main "feature" of our being is actually possible because the "ego" is also what makes us able to relate to, communicate with others and perform the duties pertinent to our jobs and responsibilities as human beings. But I made a discovery. It is possible to divide the "ego" from your true self. What I mean  is that, if someone hurt your feelings by saying something unpleasant to you, you can become aware of the fact that your feelings were hurt and that you did not appreciate what was said to you but, at the same time, you are also able to realize that the deepest part of yourself, your "true" self, remained totally untouched. It is a good feeling... You can discriminate between what is really important and what is not, between what others say about you / do to you, and what "YOU" really are. Criticism or unkindness are usually dictated by ignorance. If everyone could put themselves in their fellow human beings' shoes, they would never behave in a way that might cause distress or uneasiness in another. Awareness, or lack of it, is once again the key to better relationships and to a higher sense of your real worth, independently from any outside judgment.

A Scary Topic: Abuse

• Abuse is a topic that, I am sure, everyone prefers NOT to talk or even think about. The victims themselves often choose to avoid touching (= speaking or being questioned about) such a difficult, tragic "state of being". As in every kind of interaction, here, too, we have two individuals facing each other: the victim and the perpetrator. The latter is the tough "man" (general term for "human being"), the one who needs to feel powerful but, lacking the capacity and/or the intelligence to become so with the right tools, makes the choice of abusing a weaker person in order to prove their strength and have control over them. On the opposite side we have the  victim who accepts to be bullied, beaten, belittled, despised, offended. The slave and the "slave driver". But there is a difference, here. While in the olden days slaves did not have any choice because they were kept in chains, nowadays such bonds are not made of iron. Therefore they are NOT unbreakable. Modern shackles are mental, psychological. They are the powerful result of a type of conditioning that makes the victims unable to see that the cage they are kept prisoners in is not locked. (Actually, it does not even exist, but this is another story). It only takes some courage to push it open and get out. But they cannot do it. While in the past runaway slaves were recaptured and put back in chains, at present they could be aided, they would not be alone: relatives, friends, shelters, the police are willing to help them, if they only asked. They just need to speak up and reveal their desperate predicament (not easy, I know). Unfortunately, more often than not, the abused individuals do not believe they can actually do it. They are the victims of a "thought", the false belief in both  their helplessness and hopelessness. They feel they are doomed. They do not know (or remember) that nothing needs to be "forever".

Friends

We have been told that a language is a "living thing", meaning that it is not static, immobile, unchangeable. Several things can change in a language: the spelling of a word, its pronunciation, even its meaning. Also grammar often gets modified by a different way of using it that becomes very common. But here I am mainly interested in the meaning of a specific word. The word is friend and, consequently, friendship. The word "friend" is commonly defined as referring to a person whom you know and whom you have a bond of mutual affection with. It is also a person whom you like and trust. An Italian proverb says, "Who finds a friend finds a treasure". True. Now, going back to the fact that the meaning of words can change, I wonder if this can be referred also to  the words friend and friendship. It seems that nowadays almost everybody is your "friend". You just meet someone and they ask you (or you ask them) to become "friends" on any of the available social networks. You talk, write, exchange information, joke etc. with them, so you say they are your friends. You might also consider as such your neighbors, people you meet at parties and / or you work with. You do not necessarily meet with them on a regular basis (if you ever), probably you are not even interested in knowing them in the way that a real friendship would imply. You might wonder what my point is here. And here it is: I invite you to make a check on your personal situation. Think and honestly find out who you real friends are, how many they are and, most of all, if you believe they are true friends. Ask yourself, "In case I had to move somewhere else, would I really miss them? Would they really miss me?" How wonderful it is to experience the warm feeling of being really loved and cared for by someone for whom you have meaning, you represent something precious, valuable, someone who enjoys spending time with you and is always available to help and support you. And you are ready to do the same for them. I know that I am writing nothing new, here. I just invite you to review your list of the friends you have in your life. And decide how many of them deserve such a "title". You might be surprised!

Do It or Don’t Do It?

Still on the subject of dreams.
Last night I had a strange dream. I was in a situation where I had to make a decision, crucial to my life, but I didn't know what to do. I asked a trusted friend for advice but she bluntly said that she couldn't help me. I kept debating my options for some time (Yes or No? Do it or don't do it?), trying to see the pros and cons in each. Finally, I decided not to do it. I realized that my heart was not totally in the "yes" choice, therefore I thought it wasn't worth taking the chance of getting a very doubtful result. Was my decision the correct one? Or was it wrong? Author O.W. Holmes wrote, "When in doubt, do it." On the other hand, Benjamin Franklin said: "When in doubt, don't do it". Which one rings more true to your ears? I am inclined to prefer the latter but, on second thought, also the former might be acceptable. I, personally, tend to believe that, when a choice is the best one for you, you know it. At a gut level you feel that it is really what you want to do. Thinking about it gives you a deeper contentment, as if your spirit knew what will be most beneficial to you. But know I am led to consider also the other possibility. Yes, sometimes you might need to decide to "do it" even if you are doubtful, because daring could make you overcome your fears and show you your real potential. As usual, the choice should be well thought over, reflection and honesty are needed. If you are a skilled mountain climber and wish to go up Mount Everest but you are afraid of the difficulties, you might need a clear view of your skills and, if you believe you are good enough, you should "dare". On the other hand, if you are debating about marrying someone but you are not really convinced about cohabitation and total sharing, it might be better to avoid making a choice that - at a gut level - you feel is already doomed.

It's Complicated!

I have always been intrigued,  fascinated by the nature of dreams. I have tried to understand what is going on from a logical point of view but... it's really complicated. Let's see what we can come up with.

A dream is considered as a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.
The mind is the element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences. It's the faculty of consciousness.
Sleep is a condition in which the nervous system is inactive. Total unconsciousness.
So, in conclusion, a dream is a situation where the mind experiences stuff without the body's direct action and reaction. Therefore dreams are experienced by the part of ourselves that is not physical. Did we say it's the Mind that creates such experience?  Yes, we did. Did we say that the Mind is consciousness? Yes, we did.
Now, if consciousness is the state of being awake and aware of one's surroundings, how can the "mind" - as we know it - experience something that is not happening in the surroundings we are familiar with (the physical world), the only ones where we can consciously exist? This reasoning seems to me as a contradiction in terms, where the words used contradict one another. Sleep entails unawareness. So, while dreaming, the body does not function. Mind makes us experience the physical world of awareness. Is it consciousness experiencing unconsciousness?? Can the mind experience thoughts and feelings in a world that is not our own, that is not even real?  I wonder if it could it be that not only is our mind connected to the "human" body, but it does also have a reality on a plane of existence that is beyond our physical senses, a "real" world that does not exist on our level of daily experiences but which, nevertheless, is factual, substantial. Shakespeare wrote, "We are such stuff as dreams are made on" (The Tempest, act 4, scene 1). What are dreams made on? What is the "stuff" we are made on?

An Italian Play

There is a writer I have always loved, since I first “met” him in my teen-age years. His name is Luigi Pirandello. He was an Italian dramatist from Sicily, a novelist,  playwright, philosopher. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1934. His theatrical works, rather than “plays”, could be defined as tragic farces. I use the adjective “tragic” not so much because his stories end up in actual tragedies (fortunately they don't), but because well-known and usually accepted truths are shattered in front of our own eyes. And also our “logic” seems to be sent… for a walk! One of my favorite plays is “Cosi’ e’ (se vi pare)”, “So it is (if you like it)”. The plot revolves around the mystery surrounding the family situation of a certain Mr.Ponza, who recently moved to a new town after his village was destroyed by an earthquake. He keeps his wife in a secluded upper floor apartment and his mother-in-law (Mrs.Frola) in a distant dwelling, preventing the two women from getting together. When compelled to speak about this strange arrangement, he says that his first wife (Mrs.Frola’s daughter) had died but, in order to keep the old lady from collapsing from grief, he lets her believe that he is too jealous to share his (second) wife even with her mother. On the other hand, Mrs.Frola says that her daughter had been ill and, after recovering, her husband did not recognize her, so they had to pretend that she was his new wife. Complicated? Kind of! Typical Pirandello, always inviting us to cerebral, totally intellectual reasoning. At the end, in order to discover the truth, the nosy town people compel Mr.Ponza to bring his spouse to them, because she is the only one able to disclose the mystery by telling the truth, i.e. who she really is (i.e. Mr.Ponza's first or second wife). But when the lady is finally brought forward, in front of the madly curious people, her only, merciful explanation is, “I am the one I am believed to be”. What an answer! It has haunted me since I first saw this play at fifteen. Is there a unique TRUTH? Or is it true (for each one of us) only what each one of us believes to be true?

Attachment Or Clinging?

 My favorite inspirational author (Anthony de Mello) considers attachment as one of the main human traits leading to unhappiness. Beside meaning a fastener that joins one thing to another, attachment also means a bond of affection that quite often takes an individual from a strong connection to whomever (or whatever) towards an excessive or exaggerate emotional tie. And this is a definite cause of unhappiness. I've recently heard of a famous actress whose marriage was ended by her much younger husband. For a long time, this lady has been admired for her beauty and praised for her acting skills. Now it seems that she is only talked about because of her extravagant behavior regarding her situation. She is portrayed as an object of pity and is even ridiculed because - it seems - she is trying to get her husband back at all costs, although he doesn't seem to want the same thing. I don't know if these facts (most probably gossip) are true or not. It doesn't actually matter. My point here is the reflection upon how sometime people don't want to accept an occurrence, keep holding, clinging on people, past events, memories, stuff that had an impact on their lives but which, nevertheless, are not available anymore. It is good to feel linked to and appreciate the presence in your environment of people you love, or even "things" such a house, heirlooms etc. But you should not allow this affection to become a cause of distress in your existence. The past is gone and you must overcome any feelings of loss you might experience. Remembering, yes. Clinging, no.

A Tough Question

Here is a tough question. If you could go back in time and have the opportunity to eliminate in the cradle an infant who you know will in the future cause death and destruction to millions of human beings, what would you do? From a humane point of you, you would most probably believe that doing such an action will benefit mankind and avoid a huge amount of pain and suffering. Therefore, from this perspective, your action would be justified and might even be praised. From a moral perspective, on the other hand, the difference between right and wrong behaviors should be carefully weighed. Is anyone entitled to take somebody else's life? You might believe that, in drastic circumstances, drastic measures are required, if the opportunity arises. But, if the past happened in such a way that its consequences cannot be changed (as it most probably is the case), there is another possibility. Had you decided to carry out your deadly plan (or whatever other plan to change the past, in any other possible scenario) it is highly possible that your doing might allow exactly what you were intending to avoid. Maybe the infant you did away with was replaced by a successively adopted one who grew up to be the ruthless dictator. Who knows? What does your reason suggest to you? And your conscience?

A Truly Listening Ear

I AM SORRY TO INFORM MY READERS THAT FROM TODAY I WON'T EMBELLISH MY DAILY BLOG WITH SUITABLE GOOGLE PHOTOS, AS IT SEEMS THERE ARE SOME COPYRIGHT PROBLEMS.

How fulfilled are you in your relationships? Ask yourself if you are giving more than you receive, or if you expect others to give you more than what you are willing to give. Here, I am not referring to material things, although also these might be taken into consideration. What I am mainly referring to is availability, time. Each human being needs to receive somebody else's attention, to be listened to, to feel they are cared for (pets do the same, don't they?). Therefore it might be useful for you to make a sort of inventory about your metaphorical "income" and "expenditures" in this field. Do you feel you are dedicating enough of your time, of your attention to the people who might need them? Partner, siblings, elderly parents, friends, maybe even a simple acquaintance who shows the need to talk or share? After examining your attitude, your behavior and your feelings towards this issue, you can now think about how much you receive, when it is you who needs to talk or share. Do you feel that the person you would like to confide in is available, or are they too busy, too wrapped up in their own lives that all they can offer you is a distracted ear, while clearly thinking of something else? Their lives are too busy compared to yours, therefore you might be brought to think - it's only fair to have your need overlooked. Well... I am not too sure. Caring also means finding the time, beside giving physical help when needed. Relationships are more complicated than they seem because feelings are involved, beside the actual interaction. That is why it would be worthwhile for you to examine your own relations, think about them and endeavor to understand them. It's possible that some of your down moments may be caused by a possible not yet identified feeling of lack in this area. 

A Hit Movie

A few days ago I saw that a recent hit movie was being broadcast on TV so, as I probably am one of the few who hasn't seen it, I decided to fill this unforgivable gap. I watched it for about thirty minutes then - although I consider myself a very open minded person (would I be writing on Positive Thinking otherwise?) - I could not watch it any longer. I felt I was honestly wasting my time, my precious time, looking at something that, although not visually disagreeable, was totally devoid of meaning. I know that people enjoy comedy, fantasy, action, thrillers and, believe me, I do, too. But, every now and then, I feel that some movies, the same as some books or songs, have no actual reason to exist, lest to be offered to the public. Not only are they useless and meaningless, they sometimes portray negative aspects of life in a way that, rather than inspire people to learn a lesson, gain insight or simply have a healthy laugh, seems to encourage them towards immoral, unethical or utterly superficial behaviors. And it's not a matter of age, either. At any age you can enjoy a romantic story, an exciting thriller or even a heavy metal song (I do!), but always being aware that we are reasoning beings, with a brain and a mind that are supposed to make us discriminate between what is sound, good, useful, interesting, pleasant or uplifting, and what is not. Just remember that everything you watch, read and listen to is a kind of "food" that nourishes your true self, i.e. who you are, and that will have a strong impact on who you will become.

Toddlers, Handles and Anchors

While strolling through the Community College campus, I saw some toddlers from the daycare center being taken out for a walk. They were so cute! Then something attracted my attention. The two accompanying teachers were holding a kind of rope (one at the beginning, the other at the end of the line), along which several large handles made of cloth were situated at regular intervals. Each child was holding on a handle and  they all marched away, happily looking around. They were kept safe, there was no danger of having any of them getting lost or separated from the group. A thought occurred to me. How wonderful it would be if also in their adult life human beings could have the possibility to hold on something that would keep them safe, that would make them "feel" safe, while still allowing them to be free to experience life in the best possible way. What could adult life "handles" be? Beliefs? Convictions? Principles? Faith? Love? Positive Thinking? Curiosity (to explore and learn more)? There are plenty of possibilities, aren't there? But... How many individuals are aware of the strong anchors that are available, that could keep them well grounded, while still allowing them to look up at the sky? And....who knows? Someday one or more individuals might feel strong enough to fly up, having made their anchors (=principles) such part of themselves that they have become able to do whatever they want without fear of "getting lost".