A Recipe

In order to be at peace with yourself, you have to prepare your own "dish".
You must find:
* a space that is only yours, where you can retire, away from the hassle and bustle of the world,
* some time to dedicate to yourself only.
You must also:
* entertain positive thoughts about worrisome matters,
* abandon yourself to relaxation, forgetting about everybody else,
* enjoy some real solitude in order to focus on your own needs.
Is this a good recipe? Try it out!

Uninteresting News

The Dalai Lama says:
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophy. Our brain and our heart is our temple. The philosophy is kindness."

Such simple words, but it's so rare to see them applied!! Whenever you look around, what do you see but religion used as a means of separation and judgment, what do you see but philosophy (= words and images) used to brainwash people? Not always and everywhere, I agree. But MOSTLY. Don't you hear preachers say that their church is the only one that is wright (and all the others are wrong)? Aren't you fed with stories you read in newspapers and watch on television about corruption at all levels, killing, hatred, war, destruction? Yes, there are kind people, luckily, but they are not brought into the spotlight, they are not "interesting news". Kindness doesn't make the headlines!

Autonomy

A parable by Anthony de Mello, SJ:

"The Master seemed totally unaffected by what people thought of him. 

When his disciples asked him how he had attained this stage of inner freedom, he laughed aloud and said:

'Till I was twenty I did not care about what people thought of me.
After twenty I worried  endlessly about what the others thought.
Then one day, after fifty, I suddenly realized that they hardly ever thought of me at all'."

Perseverance

Are you a persevering person? Ask yourself how your course of action is in the face of difficulties, when you have little or no indication of success. Do you keep on trying or do you easily feel discouraged and give up? This is surely the most common path towards failure. You are convinced that you should get what you want right away, right now. If you don't, you lose interest, you convince yourself that whatever you were seeking is not worth your effort, that you don't really want it. You abandon the path you had chosen and follow another dream, and maybe another, and another... Many people, especially nowadays, have learned that perseverance is not a positive trait. They feel they don't have enough time to pursue their goals, if these cannot be achieved quickly. Once upon a time, when the animals were complaining about human beings robbing them of their possessions (the sheep's wool, the hen's eggs, the cow's milk etc...), the snail proudly said: "I have something they cannot rob me of. I HAVE TIME!" 

In A Rut

Starting from the stone age, throughout all historical eras, a specific kind of "reality" has always existed. If there hadn't been at least one human being who started using imagination, nothing would have ever changed. The mind gives us the capability to rise above the dust, to overcome the actual situation, to soar above the mountains, higher and higher. Therefore, why stay put on the first rung of the ladder? Have you ever actually looked up and realized that you can climb to a much higher level, that you can achieve an always greater progress, improvement, evolution? But, maybe, you prefer to stay on the ground level  (sometimes even "below" it!) because it is easier, you  prefer to complain and not make any effort to get out of the rut that your life seems to have become. Once again, the choice is yours.

Interdependence

If you ask yourself: "Why am I here?", what is your answer? Do you believe you were born by chance, that your life is an accident that might not have happened, or do you feel that your being alive has a purpose, a specific purpose? If you think that you are in this world by a whim of fate, then you will live your life without a goal, without enthusiasm and, most probably, with no joy. On the other hand, if you trust that you are alive for  a reason, for a good reason, you will realize that you are important, that you matter, that your actions are meaningful, that your existence is useful. Useful to whom? To yourself and to others, because your life is strictly linked to all the other lives on the planet. As scientists have proved that sub-atomic particles exist only in connection with other particles, so human beings, too, can find the purpose of life in their relationship with other creatures.

Be Present

When attending a concert, can you honestly say that you pay attention to the music every single moment? While listening, you probably also look at the musicians' faces or clothes, at the theater decorations, at the conductor's tuxedo, at the instrument arrangement and so on. In doing this, you are not really "listening" to the symphony. You lose the experience, it is as if a moment of your life was totally erased because it hasn't been lived the way it was intended to. The mind likes to wander, to engage in often useless elucubrations, in futile worries. Sometimes you don't hear what is said to you, other times you don't concentrate on what you are doing. Are you distracted? Yes. Is it a serious problem? Yes. Although it's not something anyone pays great attention to, it may end up preventing you from living your life "fully". 

A Coin's Two Sides

It is natural that you tend to complain about any hard time you are compelled to face. Challenges are always difficult to deal with and everyone prefers to slide across life comfortably, with all things going the right way. Hardships happen and there is nothing you can do about it. But if you take the time to reflect upon what has been happening in your life, you might be surprised to realize how positive your difficult times have been. You become aware of your strength, you see how brave you have been and you finally acknowledge how much you have grown, how much you have learnt from such experiences. As usual, there are always two sides to a coin: one side = hardship, the other side = learning experience. Therefore, next time you are facing a challenge, do it with a smile, because you now know that you can overcome any difficulty and, afterwards, you'll find yourself several inches taller!

Give And Take

It may seem that some people are "takers" and others are "givers". If you look around, you see individuals who are happy to have others do things for them and accept it as their right, as if they were entitled to it all. At the same time, the givers feel that their destiny is to sacrifice, they believe they were born to please others in order to be loved, to avoid problems and keep the peace. As a matter of fact, the whole situation is wrong. You cannot get it your way all the time and you should not give to others all the time. A balance is needed here.   Some of this and some of that. Examine yourself: are you one of these types? If you discover that you are, do something about it, right now. If you don't, sooner or later you will regret your behavior. Too much of anything (whatever it is) is never good.

Change

You believe you know yourself, period. But it is not true.You only know how to be at the moment, nothing more. You are in a continual state of becoming, therefore you are never the same. Isn't it wonderful to know that you can actually become anything you want to be? It might require a little effort, certainly, but how rewarding to be aware of your capability to change whatever you don't like in your character, to enhance your skills, be become more and more what you would like to be! Therefore, from now on...no more "This is the way I am and I can't change". Change is your prerogative, your privilege, your blessing. Use it in the right way.

Persevere

I read somewhere that - thanks to its perseverance - the snail, too, reached Noah's Ark. Had it been conditioned by the other animals' faster pace, the snail would have certainly given up without even trying. When you know the goal you want to reach, also you must go on without allowing dangerous doubts to jeopardize your endeavor. Besides, your need to always be aware that your goal can be attained.  If you believe that your dream is only a castle built on the clouds, unreachable, without strong foundations, you will never be successful. And even if you think that your goal can be reached, but you don't trust your capabilities, you will remain on the lower step of the ladder. Consider the snail as an inspiration. Perseverance and trust are the main ingredients in the recipe for success.

Drink Up!

Life is good because it is never dull. In spite of the difficult times, it is an adventure worth experiencing because it makes you active, willing to do, to act, to try. You need to open your eyes to it, make new plans when the old ones become obsolete, accept new opinions when the old ones don't work any more, accept to be flexible when called for changing situations. A painting is beautiful when many colors are blended together to create a striking image, and so is your life: a mixture of happiness and sorrow, of highs and lows, of sun and clouds, of smiles and tears. If you willingly acknowledge the need  for such variety and enjoy the ebb and tide of life, you will be able to say: "I have drank my cup to the last drop. I have savored all the dishes on my table, I have lived my life to the fullest." No regrets, then, only fulfillment for a life well lived.

Development

To a disciple who complained of his limitations the Master said:
"You are limited indeed. But have you notices that you can do things today that you would have thought impossible fifteen years ago? What changed?"
"My talents changed."
"No, You changed."
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"No. You are what you think you are. When your thinking changed, you changed."
(Anthony de Mello)

Freedom...To What Extent?

We often say that times have changed in order to justify harmful attitudes and bad habits. It is certainly true that we are living in a world that is very different from before. But what has actually changed? "Things" have changed. Did  they change by their own will? Unlikely. It's "people" who decide any change that takes place. People whose greed, whose distorted ideas brought towards choices that are destroying the foundations of morals and ethics. Nowadays it seems that everything is allowed, nothing can be checked upon. Everyone is "free" to say and do as they like, no matter who is hurt in the process. The modern definition of freedom is "the power to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint". I remember an older definition where a tail end was attached that said "without infringing another's rights". It seems that this last part has been forgotten by both the dictionary and the common sense.

Heaven

A story by Anthony de Mello, SJ:

To a disciple who was obsessed with the thought of life after death, the Master said:
"Why waste a single moment thinking of the hereafter?"
"But is is possible not to?", asked the disciple.
"Yes."
"How?"
"By living in heaven here and now."
"And where is this heaven?"
"Here and now."

Have you found your own "heaven"?

Un-school Yourself

You may not realize that you are on a path, a specific path, the one that is right for you, and "only" you. That is why your experiences are different from others'. Every moment of your life should provide you with insight and inspiration because you always have something to learn. But it is necessary for you to have a goal, a well defined  aim. You need to know what you want to attain, what you want to do with your life. This clarity, this awareness will inspire concrete action. It will show you what to do and how to do it. It will help you to make wiser decisions. A well-know saying says that life is a school. Yes, it actually is. It's a very special kind of discipline, called "Un-schooling", according to which students don't follow a specific curriculum but learn just by looking, experiencing, observing, personally testing and reasoning. You, too, should learn to consider every happening, every circumstance, thought, word and deed in your life as a necessary step towards a better understanding of yourself and of the world.

A Smart Card Game

I often wonder about "awareness", a word that truly fascinates me. It is generally defined as having knowledge of, being conscious of a certain situation. What situation? Any situation. Whenever you do something while thinking of something else, you are not aware. If you drink a cup of coffee and read the newspaper at the same time, or if you have dinner in front of the TV set, most probably the taste of the coffee and of the meal is "lost". When you have a strong, sudden reaction towards somebody's words or actions, you are not aware of the actual situation. You don't realize that the other person might have valid motivations for their behavior and, at the same time, you surrender to anger without first checking out the reasons for your upset. Being aware means being "present", means knowing what your "cards" actually are. You will be able to play a good game only when you play according to the cards you have in your hands, rather than according to the cards you think you should have had. The same happens when you behave in a certain way because you believe you are "entitled" to specific results.

The Others and I

Would you like to complete yesterday's "exercise"? After examining your personal situation, let's see how  your relationship with "The Others" is. Ask yourself and answer sincerely. You can be thoroughly honest because no-one is checking on or judging you. Here we go:

What is other people's attitude towards me?
Are they usually supportive? Who is, and who isn't?
Do I often have problems in communicating and interacting?
Do I believe that I "need" them? For what? 
Do I tend to blame others for my dissatisfaction?  Who, in particular?
Is my opinion of others generally positive or rather negative?


And, finally:

How do I perceive my overall situation? Am I OK with who I am and with what I have? Could some changes be made to improve my life?

Answer, Please!

If you read this blog of mine, you might be interested in getting to know yourself a little better. When Socrates first said "Know yourself!", he certainly meant that through self-knowledge it is possible to discover the deepest motivations that make you think, speak and behave the way you do. And, being the outside world (=  the response you get) a mirror of your "being", it's clear that it is possible for you to improve your life situation by adjusting something in yourself. This is the actual meaning of "Re-create Your Life". I am therefore proposing some questions that will lead you towards a better self-understanding, provided you are willing to ask yourself and answer honestly. Here we go:

In what areas of my life am I more satisfied (and dissatisfied)? Relationships? Work? Finances?

What might have contributed to my contentment (discontentment)? Circumstances? State of mind?

How much do I believe my attitude has been important?

Do I think I should change something in myself? What?

You can start with this. Next, we'll examine the attitude of  "The Others" towards us. Good luck!

A "Great" Idea!

The so-called "news" continue to appall me. This morning I read of a mother who faked her daughter's death in order to go on vacation. Daughter's death & Vacation! What else can an individual do, what else can an individual exploit in order to obtain a materialistic "gain"? How far can a human being go to satisfy a desire for trivial goals? This woman works in a school, so she has to interact with children on a daily basis. She is a parent coordinator, so she has to deal with parents as well. Is it this that gave her the great idea? She probably thought she was being very smart in forging her daughter's death certificate. I honestly wonder if there is anything "sacred" left today. Love, compassion, selflessness, dedication, appreciation, gratitude. Yes, there are many who still behave like human beings. Nevertheless, reading this kind of stories ever so often, I can't help wondering how come that so many others don't seem to be actually "human",  defining human not only as the state of being a person and not an animal, but as someone capable of true feelings of "humanity", i.e. benevolence towards others. I don't know where this society of ours is going. I can only say that I'm continuously saddened by becoming more and more aware that greed, vanity, immorality, lack of ethics, lack of empathy, deceit and concupiscence are playing havoc in our world.

Different Pace

It is not unusual to wonder why things that are important for some seem to be totally uninteresting for others. Sport fans find it difficult, almost impossible, to understand how some people might consider boring a baseball game and a classical music admirer can't empathize with those who are crazy over heavy metal "noise". Similarly, a person who has a certain ethical or moral standard cannot easily accept  the extreme freedom of customs that is displayed nowadays. And more... One wants to learn about the cosmos, is interested in the possible existence of alien life, is amazed by the wonder of quantum physics while the other only craves to read, watch and talk about movie stars failed marriages or fashion bloopers. The fact is that we are different. Although we are all human beings, we actually move on different planes which, at times, seem hopelessly separated. Truth is that we learn only what we are able to receive, at a given moment. As a first grade student can understand  the basics of addition and subtraction but not calculus, so do some of us have a natural desire to learn more on a subject and do not care for a different one. We are not saying that one is "better" than the other. They seem to be in contrast because people move at a different intellectual and spiritual pace.

Freedom of expression

I have just read on the News a piece that is not really a "news" but rather a sort of petty little gossip. I read it because it intrigued me and it suggested a couple of interesting speculations. The story is as simple as that: a high school girl was denied to have her photo published in her yearbook because it was "racy". Racy, among other things, is defined as "sexually titillating". The student complained that by the refusal she was denied her freedom of expression. My question is: What kind of "expression"? What is the message she wants to convey in her yearbook? Also people who slander, who offend, who make fun of others in a derogatory way say the same thing. Even people who write and publish on their websites stuff that might encourage misbehavior and even crime say the say thing. It seems that nowadays absolutely ALL should be allowed. I wonder where this kind of indiscriminate "freedom" is leading. Cherry on the top about the above story: the student's mother is defending her daughter and  hiring a lawyer to "define her position" against the school editors. What a mother! A true paladin of..... improper behavior who should instead teach her daughter morals and ethics. But... do these "virtues" still exist in this society of ours?

Deception

"Free Your Mind And Think", said John Lennon. He is advising you to free your mind. But you are sure that your mind IS free. How could it be differently? You think your own thoughts, you know what you want and don't want, you are sure of what you like and don't like, but... Do you really? You believe that your choices are independently made, but... Are they? I have previously said and written more than once that nowadays society is literally bombarding you with notions, opinions and judgments that drastically condition your  point of view, your outlook on life and on others. It is a subject worth talking about again and again and again. We ALL need to become aware of what the media are doing to our minds, what they are doing to US as human beings. We continuously see ambiguous scenes on the TV or in movies, we witness questionable situations and people's extravagant behaviors... Things that deep inside we know not to be "right", yet we indulge in watching them. We eat food that we know is unhealthy, but the way it is forcefully shoved under our eyes makes us "choose" it. We listen to opinions that are  limiting, we read stuff that leads us on the worst path. Yet we believe out mind is free. What a deception!

Living To The Fullest

Some words that composer Richard Strauss told an orchestra made me think. He said: "Although you are playing the right notes, you are not making music". This might suggest that also life can be carried out according to the "rules", yet not really lived to its fullest. How come? Doing whatever must be done with no attention or care or commitment or - most of all - without enthusiasm leads onto the path of mediocrity. Those who want to rise above the average, to leave a mark of their existence in somebody's heart must go the extra mile in order to feel the taste of true fulfillment. Paraphrasing Socrates' famous quote, we might say that an apathetic life is not worth living. As usual, this is my personal opinion and might be refused by others. It is only natural that points of view differ, especially when we talk about how to live one's life. After all, shuffling along in resignation instead of walking tall and proud will still take you to your destination.

Water Your Garden

An Italian saying says that life is not all roses and flowers. Right. Even when the roses are there, thorns are there, too, so that a possible prick can be expected along with the nice scent and the beautiful colors. Even so often, though, it seems that our garden is and will remain barren, that our house or our affairs are and will continue being in disarray, that the weather channel will never forecast sunny days again. Fortunately this is not true. The sun will shine again because it is its nature, as everything in nature follows its course, with its steady - although slow - pace. As calm follows the storm, so flowers can blossom again and our house and affairs can be fixed. But there is one condition: we must be willing to make the effort, to DO something about it. Water the garden, go to the doctor, talk to an accountant, ask for advice, be more patient, listen more ..... Each of us has their personal tool at their disposal to put order in their lives, so let's not miss out on the opportunity to "re-create our lives", NOW.

Stop And Smell The Roses

"Stop and smell the roses", people say. But who is actually doing it, in this busy busy world of ours? Everybody seems mainly interested in keeping themselves occupied all the time. There is always so much to do... There isn't enough time... Don't you, too, say this every now and then? Just think for a moment. Yes, take a moment to stop your frenetic activity and THINK. There isn't enough time for what? All right, you have to work, to eat, sleep, go out and have fun, go to the movies, see your friends, play games, watch TV, read the papers, make phone calls, attend meetings etc.. Wow! That is "really" a lot! Do you ever take a little time, just a few minutes to "stop and smell the roses", i.e. to be just with yourself, in silence, listening only to the soft whisper of your spirit, letting your mind rest, forgetting about the worldly affairs and just BE? If you have never done it, try it today, now. Stay still for just a little while and let go. You might find this tiny experience quite rewarding.

A Quiz

Imagine that five people are trapped in a room with no apparent way to escape. Four have been there for a long time and have resigned themselves to live in that room forever. A new character joins in and starts asking questions about the odd situation they are all in. He boldly declares that there MUST be a way out and  that they are going to find it. The first character immediately says: "We can't do anything. There is no way out". The second says: "I doubt we'll find a way but, on the other hand, we might  succeed". The third says: "I'm sure it will be difficult. I don't want to make the effort, I don't want to face the pain". The fourth one says: "Wonderful. I've always felt that something could be done. I am with you!" The newcomer really succeeds in finding an exit so, after a couple of different tries, they finally escape. Of the five characters, WHO ARE YOU? The pessimist number 1? The doubting but open-minded number 2? The coward, defeatist number 3? The optimist, enthusiastic number 4? Or are you the creative, no-nonsense newcomer? Can  this tell you something more, maybe new, about yourself?

Happy New Year

What does starting a new year mean? After the celebrations, the parties, the toasts, the fireworks,what do you have to deal with, the day after? You have probably made some interesting, positive resolutions, as you do every year. How are you planning to carry them out? 2011 has not been an easy period, but no past year usually is. When you make an inventory, you tend to remember the challenges you had to face, the problems you had to solve, the unpleasant situations you found yourself in. You hope that the year that is starting today will be better. That's why you wish yourself and others all the best things any human being might desire: good health, prosperity, serenity, fulfillment. Have you thought about HOW you are going to achieve these goals? Do you have a plan? You have decided you are going to eat healthier food, exercise more, manage your income more wisely, behave in a more calm and poised way, be less self-centered. You have decided that the year  starting today will be better than the one that ended yesterday. Will it be so? It can certainly be, provided you remember your resolutions, remain consistent, keep believing that the achievement of a happier existence is largely in your hands. Be also aware that, by becoming a better person yourself, you will contribute to the betterment of the whole world as well. Global peace is your responsibility, too. You, too, are a piece of the puzzle.