Resignation versus perseverance

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

I was going through the notes I jot down for my blog and  this quote just popped up. I honestly don’t know where it came from. I don’t remember writing it, I don’t know who its author is. What I DO know, however, is that it’s a wonderful reminder for all of us, you included, about the importance of perseverance. Giving up is something that you have certainly experienced (who hasn’t?), one time or another. You tried, and tried, and tried….But you didn’t get it! You kept on trying, but you didn’t succeed! So what? Isn’t it human to just “get the message” and give up? Absolutely! It’s the right choice for you –  if you believe that resignation is an acceptable response. If you don’t believe it, you will make a different choice, i.e. you will keep on trying, possibly in another way, at another time, maybe with a different attitude. Who knows what prevented you from achieving your goal? Sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. If you keep standing here, the only road you see is the one in front of your eyes. But if you decide to stand over there, maybe a new road will show up. It goes in the same direction, it only follows a different path.

We are the children of our deeds.

Do you believe that your past behavior is important? Miguel de Cervantes said that people are “the children of their deeds”. Wow! So, the way you act, in every moment, has a real, actual impact on your way of being. The way you behaved yesterday brought you “where” you are right now, made you “what” you are right now. Ask yourself: Am I happy with where I am? Am I satisfied with the way I am? If you stop to ponder this issue for an instant, you realize that whatever you are doing this very moment (including reading these words) and whatever you will be doing in a minute are going to create consequences that will shape your future life. And what determines your behavior? YOUR  MIND! Your thoughts  are, literally, the bricks with which the “house” of your life is built. It is of paramount importance that you become fully aware of this truth. Every now and then you may tend to minimize the importance of a negative thought of yours. Don’t! That thought is not idle, it’s a seed. In fact, every thought is a seed that, if nursed, will yield the logical result. Each action implies a consequence. Each thought first generates the words you utter, then the actions you perform. Therefore your thoughts and, consequently, your deeds create the kind of life you live, day by day by day by day….

Mood swings

Have you noticed how does your mood literally swing from one side to the other with  an almost precise regularity? You are happy, everything seems to go your way for some time (it could be hours, days and even longer periods) then – often with no apparent reason –  you start feeling not so good, sadness creeps in,  you experience a kind of dissatisfaction, a sort of lack (you usually don’t even know “of what”). Why does this happen? Hard to say. You only know that it’s highly distressing, it makes you feel totally out of control of your feelings, which is not a pleasant consideration. Can you do something about it? I believe you can. Your usual ways seem not to be working. You try to ignore the feeling, you try to oppose it, you might try to replace it with something else. Do you succeed? Hardly. Could a possible way be “acceptance”? You acknowledge the feeling of sadness, of dissatisfaction, without identifying with it: this is the trick. See, accept that it is there BUT, rather than saying “I AM depressed”, say “Right now I am experiencing this feeling of depression.” Then add: “But it will pass.” Magic words? Not really, but they might help, if you persist in re-programming  your belief in your power to change “stuff” (thoughts, convictions, pre-conceived ideas, feelings…), which – believe it or not – you actually possess.

Do you like being in control?

 Ask yourself if you ever try to shape up the lives

of those who are close to you,

of those who depend on you.

If you find that you are taking advange of your position

to impose your will,

please STOP!

Everyone has the right to make their own choices,

even if they are in contrast with yours.

Remind yourself that it’s their own life, not yours.

As YOU are free to choose, so are THEY!

Fear Is the “Engine”

 Although you might not realize it, fear is possibly the spring behind most of your actions. Fear determines your attitudes because it conditions your mind. The way you act is its direct consequence. The majority of people will surely not agree. "I… afraid of  something? By no means! Afraid of what? I do not fear anything!". If you are the jealous type, for example, you will  justify your jealousy by making it appear as a characteristic or a consequence of love. Is it not rather the fear of losing your beloved?  Or the awareness that, if you are left alone, you will feel impoverished, inadequate to pursue your path? If you are too sure of yourself, if you tend to behave like a sort of dictator, you are afraid of not being respected enough by others if you show your true nature, your doubts and weaknesses. If, instead, you are too shy and easily influenced and manipulated by others, it could be that the fear of being neglected or ignored makes you accept everything, even abuse, just to be accepted. If you carefully examine each characteristic of the human behavior, including yours, you will find out that fear is the real "engine" that creates an imaginary world in front of your eyes. In order to set yourself free, you need first to accept your fears. Say: “Yes, it is true. I am afraid”. Only then will you start to realize the deception you created to grant yourself a fictitious  security blanket. You will then understand that you don’t need to be jealous in order to keep love; you don’t need to wear yourself out to earn more money, if you realize that all that your dear ones want is your time, affection and availability. Recognize now  the lie you founded your life upon and dare to admit your weaknesses. Everybody else is scared, just like you! 

Thank You!

A big “Thanks!” to the friends who follow this blog. Knowing that there are some who, now and then, take the time to read a few “positive” words (possibly even every day!), tells me that people really exist who honestly believe in NEW POSSIBILITIES. These can only be carried out by consistently reflecting , no matter how briefly, on your actual, personal situation. I don’t have the pretension to teach, or preach, anything. My wish is only to share ideas and reflections on different life situations, attitudes, feelings, reactions and behaviours. It’s “stuff” that everybody experiences, one time or another. And I would love to hear your comments, because we can ALL benefit from mutual sharing. Today’s thought, that I propose to you, is: “What is your opinion on  FEAR?” Tomorrow I shall write about my personal interpretation. Would you like to join in and share yours?

Can love give you happiness?

The idea you have of love is an obstacle to your happiness. How can this be? Simply because you believe that “love” means either a total donation of oneself to the beloved or being the object of someone else’s devotion – preferably both. Is this possible? Absolutely…. Provided you don’t stop here! Love is certainly a mutual donation of affection, a communion of souls. The problem arises when you are convinced that without “this” kind of love you cannot be happy. Romantic love is wonderful, but totally insufficient to provide you with eternal bliss. Why? Because it is transient. How many people are able to keep that wonderful feeling of mutual devotion, without judgement nor resentment, throughout their entire lives? Love should be above all considerations, because it reflects the awareness of our being “one”. No “you and me”, no “me and the others”, no “I am right and you are wrong”, no “You did this to me” etc… In true love there can only be total acceptance of the other as a part, an aspect of one’s self.

“What” or “who” changes?

                                                    

  

                

                                                                       You may say that times have changed,

                                                                         in order to justify dangerous fashions

                                                                    and behaviours, in order to find an excuse       

                                                                          for some of your own attitudes

                                                                             that  you are not proud of.

                                                                    But it’s the people who decide to change.

                                                                        It’s you who accept to be changed.

                                                                              For better and for worse.                    

Look Out!

 Being aware means not only realizing what is going on and paying attention to what you are doing, but it also means to be alert, vigilant, always on the look out. When you decide to learn something new, you focus all your attention on the new notions in order to understand, assimilate and make them your own. When they become part of your personal knowledge, they became part of you, thus contributing to your transformation into a more complete human being. Personal growth brings you closer to real progress, to a better understanding of yourself and others. The sun rises and sets, good opportunities show up and disappear, leaving you with a great sorrow, the regret of having been unable to catch them. You have not been alert, ready to grasp them. You were sleeping when dawn broke in the eastern sky and you missed a wonderful sight. Tomorrow, maybe, you shall not have another opportunity to enjoy such an experience. How sad it is to see so many lives being wasted…perhaps even your own! The days drag along, one after the other, always the same, with no excitement, and you do not realize the many opportunities  given to you to live fully, to understand the meaning of each instant – because you take everything for granted. You don’t make any effort to see beyond the appearance, to discover what else can be done with what you have. Sometimes, in the evening, you are glad that another day is over: but you don’t feel the satisfaction of those who  made the best of their time, who enjoyed each instant as something magnificent and unique. You release your day, you discharge it  as a burden, without thinking that it will never come back.  You   worry about tomorrow, but forget to appreciate today. Yes, you keep dragging along...day... after day...after day...

Remember Thoreau’s words? “… a life of quiet desperation” (i.e. dull, lazy resignation)?

Is this the way you want to live?

When you least expect it…..

On my window sill, between a luscious plant of basil and the most splendid white orchid, sits a lovely geranium. It had been blooming the whole summer, then it seemed to have stopped. Due to my incompetence in gardening matters, seeing the lack of new buds and the yellowing leaves, I thought the plant was about to die. Still, I decided to keep it - although without hope - and went on watering it. One day, to avoid having too much sunlight hitting my eyes while I sat on the couch, I lowered the  venetian blind to almost touch the top of the geranium, and kept it down. Till, in the dead of winter, I decided to lift it up to get more light. And there, almost a foot high, stood the most beautiful flower, bright red, in full bloom!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I would have never guessed that a wonderful flower was being born and was growing behind that venetian blind while I was totally unaware of such a miracle. How many times does something similar happen in life? Have you ever been pleasantly surprised, receiving what you had stopped hoping for? Or what you would have never expected to be given? A good news? A reassuring medical report? A positive answer? A smile or a kind word from someone you thought did not like you? An unexpected gift? A helpful feedback? A happy ending to... (you fill in the blank). It doesn't matter how big or small the surprise is. It is always a gift that you should acknowledge and consciously be grateful for. Miracles happen every day, they only need your willingness to recognize them and....feel joy.

Patience, a second –class virtue

“No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.” (Epictetus, Greek philosopher)

What do YOU think of patience? If you are one of the few who can give a “seed” (i.e. whatever is going on in your life) all the time it needs to grow properly - no matter how long it takes – you are a lucky person indeed. Most people wish they could achieve success overnight, obtain what they desire in a short time. Unfortunately, things don’t usually go this way, and the result is disappointment, frustration, sometimes even depression.

This reminds me of a well-known joke.

A man is praying: “Dear God, please…please, give me patience. But I WANT IT NOW!!!”

Does it ring a bell? Spare just a couple of minutes to think about your usual attitude in your everyday life. You might make an interesting discovery.

When I began to seriously  examine some of the ways, attitudes and behaviours I used to have in total UNawareness, a lot of hidden “stuff” started coming up to the surface of my counsciousness. Only when you become aware of what is going on inside of you, can you start making changes, if you think you need to, and choose to do so. This goes for any other second-class virtue you might have not paid enough attention to (Which ones could they be?). It’s all to your own benefit, anyway, nobody else’s!! But…Who knows? Others might feel encouraged to follow your example.

Looking for Peace

                                                          Looking for peace

                                                           in a World at War

                                               You can’t say you have found peace

                                                     Only because all weapons are silent, here.

                                               True peace can be solely created

                                                      And cultivated at a deeper level,

                                               In each person’s heart.

                           

                                                       Therefore… also in yours.

What is more important than peace?

Is there anything more important than peace in our lives? Superficial people, who don’t reflect on the issue, will surely answer that there are plenty of things more important than “peace”, because peace would be a consequence of achieving what they value most: Things such as health, wealth, beauty, success, fame, power, romantic love etc… They believe that, having obtained one or several of them, will automatically bring along peace and happiness. They think of happiness as the fulfillment of their desires. Nothing could be farther from the truth. No one can say: “I am a powerful person” and be automatically happy, as so many problems and responsibilities arise from their being in such a position. Women who are already beautiful are never satisfied with their looks, they believe that there is always something that could be done to improve them. If you have good health, you probably take it for granted and don’t pay too much attention to it, if you are rich either you’ll try to increase your capital or you’ll be afraid of losing it. And love…. Love is quite deceitful, too. You believe that your beloved is the one who will make you happy, forever, only to discover, after a brief period of time, that it is not the case. Nothing and no one can give you happiness, can make you  more serene. All you can do is create in yourself a state of mind receptive to calm and tranquility. As much as you can, try to release  worrying, fretting, getting upset, expecting… A simple act of acceptance of what you presently have is the most secure way to find peace in your heart.

A recipe to get rid of guilt

What would happen if you could rid of your negative emotions?


What are your negative emotions? Let’s start with guilt. There is surely something you feel guilty about. It might be anything, a big or a small mistake, maybe you have done someone wrong, you have mistreated another human being, you have been dishonest and so on. Whatever it is, it’s something that haunts you, you try to forget but the nagging feeling is always there and prevents you from being totally serene. you wish you could change the past but you know that it’s not possible. Making amends? Maybe, but it’s not a secure remedy. The person you have wronged may not be available any more, fixing the problem might by now be useless, you still don’t have the courage to come forward…The feeling is still there and there is nothing you can do about it. If you have been hurt, you are probably still holding a grudge, feeling hatred and resentment. These are very strong feelings and really hard to get rid of. It takes time and plenty of will power. What you could do to start cleansing your heart is to try to put yourself in your offender’s shoes. Ask: Why did he/she do that to me? What were his motivations? How did I behave before the fact? Might I have had a certain amount of responsibility in what happened? Could I have reacted to the provocation in a different way? Shouldn’t the hurt by less by now? Why do I keep thinking about it? Do I like nursing the grudge? Wow! Here are some questions! Can you answer honestly? Can you give up to need to show that the others are always wrong and that you are always right? Can you do that for just one second? If you harbor jalousy, envy in your hearts, ask yourself why it is so. It might be that you are blaming others for being who they are, for having what they have, as if it weren’t their right, as if they were taking something away from you. But they are not. They are following their path, achieving certain goals and creating their own lives. Why should we feel as if they, or fate, or God, had wronged YOU? You are “you”, and they are “they”. Let’s not mix things up. Everyone is responsible for his or her own thoughts, deeds, achievements and failures. What would happen if you were able to answer all these questions being totally true to yourselves, without trying to find excuses or justifications? You would find peace.

Hurray for Positive Thinking!!

I would like to share some thoughts on Positive Thinking with whoever believes in the possibility of improving their personal lives. These thoughts, which have slowly become my deeply rooted beliefs, are able to change anybody’s life, provided they are nursed with an open mind and, most of all, with trust. They are extremely simple, and they are neither new nor revolutionary. They only need to be pondered upon with a little more attention. How much of our time do we dedicate to really “efficient” thoughts that could be of help in “smoothing down”our daily problems? Do you believe that a thought can actually change your outlook on life? Have you ever tried? I mean… REALLY TRIED? It’s easy to say “Yeah, that’s a good idea… I’ll try it sometime”, and then, of course, do nothing about it. If this is your attitude and you think that it’s okay, well…it surely is okay – for you. But it’s possible to see things from a different perspective. You only need to move your head just a bit, and you will see the star that you didn’t believe existed, because it was hidden by a tree.