Ignoring and Denying

I know someone who spent their whole existence both ignoring and denying the "facts of life" (= something unavoidable that must be dealt with). Is this a positive or a negative attitude? Whatever it is, it is certainly a defense mechanism. Something unpleasant happens and, as you don't like it and don't want to face it, you choose to ignore it. When the situation is set, unchangeable, when you don't have any responsibility whatsoever in it, ignoring it can be an acceptable decision. Otherwise it is only a sign of cowardice. When, on the other hand, you are forced to face the unpleasant situation and deny it, try to find excuses to get away from it, you are simply, desperately avoiding the evidence. Attempting to prove the opposite of what "is", is only a sign of stubbornness. 

Your Life's Purpose

The following are not my words. They are the words of a lecturer whom I happened to listen to by chance. As I found they perfectly reflect my ideas, I would like to share them here. They are about finding your LIFE'S PURPOSE. Ask yourself:

1. Who you are
2. What you do
3. Whom you do it for
4. What those people want and need
5. How they change as a result
   Finally, if you make other people happy, you will be taken care, too.

It's not too difficult, is it? Unfortunately, many people spend most of their lives without knowing what their life's purpose is. This is the cause of their feeling unfulfilled.

The Importance Of "I"

 “I” is the word you use to affirm yourself in society, through which you want to show your worth, importance, power. The “ego” (Latin word that literally means “I”, used to indicate one’s personality) always tries to avoid problems, sorrows, nuisances, any unpleasant feeling or sensation. If, for example, you wish to relax, read a book or listen to music and somebody starts making noise, your “ego”  automatically reacts in  a negative way. You feel disturbed in your attempt to concentrate and your mind makes you believe that you are being deprived of your right to be left alone. You interpret that noise as an attempt to destroy your freedom of choice. Your true self might try to make you realize that a noise is just a noise, that there is surely a good reason behind it, and that it isn’t really a big deal. But your “ego” shouts that no one has the right to disturb you. You can always find a “good” reason to justify your negative reaction to any stimulus! As long as your relations with others follow the rule “Do not disturb!”, you shall always be, and remain, selfish. Your “ego” will be top priority, overshadowing any deeper, more realistic consideration.

Always Too Busy

When you carry out any of your daily actions, you usually keep your mind busy with something else. In so doing, you acquire a tendency to do almost anything without being really aware. Even when you give it a thought, it is a quick one, with no real commitment: you are too busy, you have no time to “waste”, you have to run! That is why quite often you do not savor your food, you do not actually “hear” the music you are listening to, you absorb only half of what you are reading. Maybe you do what you are supposed to do and what others expect from you. But what is “your” sincere, honest judgment about your performance? Is there a true concern behind your actions? Is there awareness of the importance of any act, thought and word that make up your life?

Past Friends

It's intriguing to see how people, starting from common ground, can eventually drift apart. You meet someone and find out you are sharing several interests. You become friends and have wonderful conversations. You believe that your friendship will last forever because it has solid foundations. Then, as time goes by, you start losing contact with your friend. You may have moved to another city or simply decreased the frequency you used to get together. But you keep remembering him/her as one of your best friends. "We have so much in common", you still believe. Then, when you happen to get in contact again, you realize that NOW you have "no-thing" in common anymore. You see their page on Facebook and realize that you are not interested in their posts. You receive their visit or a telephone call and find out that what they talk about means nothing to you. Sad? Yes, to a certain extent. Yet, people move at a different pace, in different directions. It's the unpredictability of life!

Decisions

Getting married, having a child, choosing a course of study, a job, even a best friend… These are all important decisions that you make throughout your life. But your existence is not made only of important decisions. Every little choice that you make  during the day, like what to cook for dinner or where to go for a walk, has a place in the planning of your life. Whatever you do, try to be aware of it, and endeavor to do it to your best. Einstein once said: “When I tie my shoe-laces I put all my attention (= awareness) in what I am doing”. Can you try to acquire a better awareness of every action (what you do), of its motivation (why you do it), and its performance (how you do it)? If you succeed in achieving this kind of consciousness, your daily life will become richer and more fulfilling. You will be “in the present”, in the NOW, rather than “somewhere else”.

Unconsciously Self-centered

There are some people - normal, good people - who do not realize how self-centered they are. It seems that the world revolves around them and that nothing or nobody else deserves attention. If you happen to talk (actually, if you "try" to talk) to them, they will monopolize the whole conversation, from start to end. They will tell you about all that is going on in their family, they will inform you about the tiniest details concerning their health, they will report the latest gossip etc. If you try to "insert" a word here and there you will soon realize that your attempts are useless because your interlocutor is continuing his/her unstoppable monologue. What can be done? The only remedy is to meet with this kind of individuals as seldom as possible. They are good people all right, they mean no harm and they are totally unaware of their behavior. Therefore... bear with them, every now and then. They might have a deep-rooted need for attention, which they probably usually lack. So, in the end, listening to them may end up being a good deed. But, again, not too often!

Of Ropes and Snakes

A rope touching your foot ceases to appear as a dangerous snake the moment you dare to just look at it. The majority of your fears are totally groundless, still you want to secure yourself against events that will most probably never happen. Try instead to deal with whatever you are afraid of with rationality. Your spirit is full of resources that make you capable of facing any circumstance. And be certain that, in case of real need, you shall know what to do. It is not worth worrying about something that seems dreadful only because your fear makes it credible.

Expectations, Yes or No?

It is commonplace to say that we should not expect anything from others, that disappointment is caused by expectations, that we should do things without wondering about the results. I agree in principle but not unconditionally. If you give your friend a gift just to make him/her happy, I am okay with the fact that such kind deed shouldn't be necessarily reciprocated, as your friend may have other ways to show his/her affection towards you. The main point here is: you might not expect tangible proofs of their love, but the feeling that such love really exists is indispensable. Otherwise it would be like throwing flowers in the wind: they would be carried away without leaving a trace, without giving anybody pleasure. Another example: if you have a talent (baking, singing, writing, acting etc.) and you share it with others, it shouldn't be considered wrong to expect, if not appreciation, at least some attention. Otherwise... what's the use of sharing?

Running Around

Observing several insects running along the borders of the swimming pool, I noticed a basic difference in behavior. Although they all moved randomly, some found their way out of the puddle they were struggling in, while others just seemed unable to recognize where the right direction was. They kept going back to the very edge until they ended up falling into the pool, drowning. The usual parallel with mankind comes to mind. Don't many human beings behave exactly the same? The safe path is there, they even get upon it for a short while but then (WHY?) they can't help going back to the dangerous spot until they lose their way completely and make the final wrong turn.

It's a Party!

Today is my birthday. I neither like nor dislike birthdays. I believe that a nice little family celebration is okay, just to make you feel that you are loved and cared about. Big parties... well, I'm not too sure about those. Aren't they just an opportunity to show off with friends and acquaintances who, probably, just care about the party and not "particularly" about you? I have always been puzzled about "big" celebrations, especially wedding parties. Some life happenings are so special, personal and meaningful that they should be shared only with those who truly love you. They shouldn't be like any other party, aiming at gathering "everybody" just to have fun. "Special" is an adjective that should be carefully thought about. Special people are exceptions, not the rule, so they cannot include "everybody" you know. Do you disagree with me? Probably you do! No problem, it's your right!

Incorrect Reason

Sometimes people rearrange their lives in a way that does not fulfill their expectations. They change the old environment for a new one that they believe will be more exciting, rewarding or uplifting. Sometimes they are not disappointed and realize that they had made the right decision in daring to face the unknown. More often, though, their expectations are not met because the reason for leaving the old road was not the correct one. The most common "incorrect" reason is the attempt to escape from an unpleasant situation. Escapism, fear, denial, refusal are the starting point that usually leads to discontent and failure. Moving to a new country, city, job or environment simply because one "couldn't stand" the previous one is not the solution to their problem, which will follow them wherever they go unless it is properly dealt with.

Take the Time

If you take the time to examine the way you deal with your friends, you might get a good insight about your usual behavior. You might realize that sometimes you are a little abrupt with them, or that you act in a way that is too matter of fact, making them feel that you are taking them for granted. As to your colleagues, you might have issues with some of them, as it often happens on the work place. Here you need to be patient, kind and ready to offer a helping hand when needed. And, when it is the case, show them the appreciation they deserve. They will value you more. No one is immune from the desire to be liked and taken into consideration. Indifference may be as hurtful as plain rudeness.

Blinding Anger

When you are angry, you are unable to see other people’s point of view. You are so wrapped up in your own feelings that you cannot pay attention to the outcome of your furiously expressing them. This is understandable and forgivable. Yet, also the other’s hurt should not be overlooked. If you don’t want your life to become a “monologue”, you need to watch yourself. Only by listening – beside talking – and replying accordingly can a “dialogue” be established.

Unpredictability

I have often wondered how, at times, unexpected feelings arise from people's deepest part of the "self". Instantaneous likes and dislikes (even love at first sight) happen and it is hard to understand their dynamics. They cannot be explained according to logic or reasoning. Science says that the brain carries out a couple of million "operations" a second, according to which a "judgment" is automatically formed that creates the feeling. I don't know if such explanation is satisfactory. If this is true, how come that it doesn't happen all the time? Most people you meet don't cause an immediate, clear reaction in you. Is this another mystery of human nature, a fascinating puzzle that makes life totally unpredictable?