Behavior: Yours vs. Theirs

If you have ever examined your behavior towards others, you may have discovered different ways you relate to your fellow human beings in order to know yourself better. Can you complete this task by analyzing the other side of the coin? You can do this by asking how you - yourself -  judge the behavior of others towards you. This attempt will yield interesting results because they will help you to see if  the way others behave towards you might be determined by "your own" behavior. You are used to complaining and often accusing someone else of treating your unfairly. But how often do you endeavor to understand "why" they did or are doing this to you?

Create a Better Reality

A wise person is able to face unpleasant outcomes willingly - sometimes even with a smile. It’s not easy but it can be done. How? By convincing yourself that it is better to accept than to fight. Why? Because there are certain ‘battles’ in life that you simple cannot win. In spite of your efforts and determination, not always are you in control of the situation, especially when other people or outside conditions are involved. In such case, you may have the tendency to blame others or your bad luck for what is happening. When you do that, you make things even worse because you build up more negativity inside yourself. On the other hand, once you succeed in accepting unpleasant happenings as an undeniable and often unavoidable reality, you are also able to shape a more serene way of carrying out your daily existence. 

The Myth of Control

One of the greatest needs of human beings is to feel in control of…. practically everything. You need to know that what is happening in your life is according to your wishes. If it isn’t, you freak out. You feel powerless, you believe you are being treated unfairly, you think the whole world is against you. You cannot accept that Life happens independently from your plans and desires. What you can control is simply your reaction to what happens. There are times when you can 'forecast' the outcome of a certain action, but it is never for sure. You may simply assume that the result will be such and such. Nevertheless - sad but true - you can never be certain one hundred per cent. Accept it!

Respect or Lack of It

You may either feel that people you usually deal with (family, friends, colleagues) respect you enough, or they tend to ignore what you say or criticize you. They might even expect you to behave the way 'they' want. If this is the case, it is likely that you feel resentment towards them for their disrespect, or towards yourself for allowing such situation to persist. If you believe you resent your accepting attitude towards bossy behaviors, think about what could be done to improve the situation. Figure out an active action you could undertake and what the consequences might be - in your household, workplace or environment in general. Finally, if you believe that such step could yield a positive result, ask yourself if you are ready to take it. If you are.... go for it!

Conform Or Not Conform?

Most people feel the need to “fit in”, to be part of a group, to be accepted by their peers. This, of course, is not a bad thing – and it is quite natural. The problem arises when you feel that you don’t belong to that group, that you think differently from your friends or colleagues but, in order not to become an outcast, you compel yourself to become as acceptable as possible to their eyes. Ask yourself, “Do I consider myself a conformist?”. Once you have decided if you are or if you aren’t, try to find out the reasons for your answer. If you say ‘no’, find out how you show your open-mindedness and independence from the general opinions and beliefs. If your answer is ‘yes’, detect to what extent you are ready to conform. Finally, do you honestly consider the opinion of others better, smarter than yours?

Denying Responsibility

When things happen, when situations arise, when conflicts are created, there is necessarily a cause. Such cause might be somebody else’s behavior, but it might as well be your own. It is not easy to realize and accept that you may have acted in a way that actually caused the problem. How do you react in such situations?Ask how often you feel the need to justify yourself. Some people are always ready to give excuses while trying to avoid the responsibility for any unpleasant occurrence. Are you one of those? Accepting responsibility is not an easy task. Some have such courage, others don’t. The former aren’t ashamed of admitting their mistakes, the latter try to hide their inner weakness by denying their fallibility. Being humans means making mistakes. But not everyone is brave enough to accept such reality.

Decision Making

Some people are quick in making decisions, others are slow. Some are sure of the decisions they make, others are always uncertain and need feedback and advice from others. Some are usually satisfied with the decisions they made, others keep having regrets. As each human being is different from the other, it is easily understandable how behaviors and reactions can be so dissimilar. Not for everybody is it easy to make a commitment, solve a problem or choose how to deal with a person or a situation. What about you? Ask yourself, “Am I usually happy with my decisions?” and then bring back to your memory some specific cases in which you were or weren’t satisfied with your resolve. Each course of action previously taken should later be examined carefully in order to understand what was done right and what was done wrong. Only in this way can you learn from your past experiences.

Create Your Well-Being

Checking on the “state” of your life should be a regular task of yours. You might believe that you don’t need it, but you do. Why? Because it is your duty as a human being to endeavor to create the best possible “situation” for you to live in. Start by trying to find out how serene or how chaotic your existence is. Something that you should ponder upon is this not-too-pleasant truth: every human being is the only person responsible for the way they feel. Negative feelings such as hatred, blame, resentment, jealousy etc. create a real hell on Earth because the emotional storm they cause inside your body, mind and spirit gives rise to never-ending unhappiness. On the other hand, positive feelings such as love, understanding, availability, compassion, generosity etc. grant your soul an uplifting serenity that creates long-lasting wellbeing.

When Thoughts Pop Up

Another interesting issue to think about is if your mind can work independently from your own ‘self’ and the thoughts you entertain just pop up without any conscious decision on your part, only generated by the people or situations you find yourself in, moment by moment. According to the answer – either positive or negative – that you give the question, “Are thoughts independent from my will?”, examine the reasons that determine your belief and give examples of what brought you to such conviction. The mind is a wonderful tool indeed, but not always are you capable of understanding its real place and role in your position as human being.

Mind and Thoughts

Most people are still convinced that 'self' and the process of thinking are tied up together. It seems that nothing else can give them the feeling of existing more than 'thinking'.  So, the mind is 'them'. But, is this really true? Upon serious reflection, you might realize that your thoughts are simply the result of your decision to create them in a certain way, to allow them to go in a certain direction. The mind is simply a tool that your self is able to address towards a specific aim. Therefore, who creates such thoughts? You or your mind? Are you and your mind the same thing? If you believe that it's your mind that directs and controls your thoughts, try to understand on what such belief is based. If you have a doubt ... explore the other possibility.