In order to make any positive change in your life, you must be willing to change something in yourself. First, you need to observe the action you are carrying out. "Observe" means to become aware of its origin, of what caused it. Without knowing "why" you are behaving in such a way, you cannot make any change. Observing also means becoming aware of the physical results that such action creates in your body. You can understand if it is positive or negative by the way it makes you "feel". Being kind? It makes you feel good. Being rude? It might make you temporarily feel strong, powerful, in control - but certainly not "good".
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