Modern Friendship

"Friend" is commonly defined as a person whom you know and whom you have a bond of mutual affection with. It is also a person whom you like and trust. Nowadays, it seems that almost everybody is your "friend". People on social networks, your neighbors, individuals you meet at parties or work with. Think about those you consider your friends and ask yourself, "In case they disappeared from my life, would I really miss them? Would they really miss me?"  And decide how many deserve such a "title". You might be surprised!

Mind and Dreams

A dream is considered as a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep. The mind is the element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences. It's the faculty of consciousness. Sleep is a condition in which the nervous system is inactive. Total unconsciousness. Therefore dreams are experienced by the part of ourselves that is not physical. Did we say it's the Mind that creates such experience?  Yes, we did. Did we say that the Mind is consciousness? Yes, we did. Now, if consciousness is the state of being aware of one's surroundings, how can the "mind" experience something that is not happening in the physical world, the only one where we can consciously exist? Is consciousness experiencing unconsciousness? Can the mind experience thoughts and feelings in a world that is not our own, that is not even real?  Does the mind have a reality on a plane of existence that is beyond our physical senses? Shakespeare wrote, "We are such stuff as dreams are made on" (The Tempest, act 4, scene 1). What are dreams made on? What is the stuff "we" are made on?

Unfair Dealing

Disappointment can be faced in different ways because human beings are different: a shrug or tears, resignation or rage. Any reaction towards it is always negative because it causes a psychological storm inside the body as well as the spirit. A letdown can really hurt and leave a permanent, indelible scar in the memory and in the soul. Even those who show the world that they don’t care or that they have overcome it, will never forget it. Why is disappointment such a strong feeling? Because it has something in common with betrayal. You believe you did all you had to do to get a certain result which does not materialize. Or, even if it materializes, it does not yield the outcome you expected. As you had had "faith", you now feel you have been dealt unfairly with,  let down, cheated. That’s why it is so upsetting and difficult to accept. 

Fear of the Big "D"

When I think of Death, and I feel afraid (don't you? doesn't everybody?), I make myself focus on the present. If the past was "great" (as poet Kahlil Gibran said), the present is the "now", i.e. the only time we are experiencing in this very moment, the only time we can have a certain control upon. We can make it a happy moment or a sad one, according to our own decision to refuse it, cope with it, oppose it, welcome it or fight it. It is useless to ponder over a time (either past or future) that is anything but real. Therefore, let us try to live fully only our "today", because no-one knows if an actual tomorrow even exists.

Have Mercy!

A funny character in an old tv sit-com used to exclaim, "Have mercy!" and made the audience laugh. The word "mercy" is an interesting term. It is usually understood as benevolence, kindness and forgiveness. But its actual meaning is compassion towards who deserves a fair punishment. The key point, here, is the word "fair". It could be debated whether it is right to withdraw a punishment when it is well deserved. Some say that "forgiving" is better, others reply that not punishing a wrong deed encourages to persevere in the guilty behavior. Which opinion is "better"? There is no better or worse, here. People's own conscience should be the only judge. No moral law can be established for such a delicate topic.

Unpleasant Situations

Have you ever noticed how things that you find particularly unpleasant keep materializing in your life, over and over? Unfriendly neighbors, nosy acquaintances, lazy co-workers, noisy children in restaurants... and so on. Why does this happen? It seems that you (and we all) have to bear stuff you don't like until you learn - if not to like it - at least to accept it "willingly". If you succeed in doing this, the situation may stop materializing or, even if it is still there, it won't bother you any more. Either way, the problem is solved. Is it easier said than done? Most things are! But it is still worth trying.

Hope For a Miracle

When you look at your life, you might have mixed feelings. From one side you see that things are not so bad: you have a house, a family, a job, you seem to be surviving all right. From the other side - the intangible one - you might find a deep dissatisfaction. Why? Because things are not going the way you would like. The environment you live in is not providing the stimuli you need to express your creativity, your family is not the compact unit you expected, your job is good but a bit "restricted"... and so on. As a result you feel unfulfilled, in spite of the many touchable blessings you know you were given. What to do? Be grateful for and try to focus on what you have. For the rest... hope for a miracle.

New Colors

"The journey of discovery does not consist in looking for new lands but in having new eyes." These words, by French writer Marcel Proust, make me reflect more carefully about our actual situation as human beings. Quite often do we feel unfulfilled, restless, wish for something new, different, extraordinary or exciting to happen. Our everyday life, our environment seem boring, the usual old insipid "dish". What to do to spice up our life - if we are unable to travel to exotic places or to start living in a jet set environment? (These, too, will eventually lose their luster and become boring!) Get "new eyes": this is what we should do. How? Well, as our emotional world is ruled by... no rules, each of us should endeavor to use new colors, i.e. find a personalized way to re-paint the picture of our own reality.

Move On

Guilt is a feeling that many people experience, one time or another. Although it is understandable to feel remorse for an action that you believe caused pain to another, yet you should make some considerations before giving in to "guilt". Anthony de Mello (a Jesuit priest!) used to say that being sorry for a past mistake is positive, provided you endeavor to learn from it and decide not to repeat it. But he also said that guilt is totally negative because, while you think you hate your deed, in truth you hate yourself for having committed such an action. But hating yourself is a grave error because you are still a good person who just made a wrong decision. As no-one is perfect you, too, are entitled to mess up a bit. A famous Latin proverb says, "Errare humanum est" (= to err is human) but it also adds, "perseverare diabolicum" (= to persevere in your error is evil). Therefore... acknowledge your action, feel sorry for it, promise yourself not to do it again and then... move on!

P.T.

I am still a big fan of Positive Thinking, but I have re-visited and reflected upon the conception some people have of it or, better, the way some people try to explain it to others. The hit film and book "The Secret" tried to make you believe the following: you only have to ask the Universe for what you want in order to receive it, it is enough to look at a banknote long enough in order to get rich, and the like. Well, after studying and applying the principles of Positive Thinking for a very long time, my conclusion is that the function of such principles, when used properly, is only to help you cope with the problems, challenges and disappointments you experience in your life. Nothing really changes thanks to them. "Change happens", as the old saying goes, and the control you have over it is minimal. 

A Trial

Although I am not a follower of talk shows, yet I recently had the chance to watch a few episodes of a TV program where two people present their case and a judge makes the final decision, after the audience expressed its opinions. One thing has struck me (and still does!): the fact that spectators (both in the studio and at home) have the tendency to sympathize with the contender who shows fewer morally sound principles. Wondering why it is so, the answer I found is that nowadays people feel the need to rebel against any so-called authority, including in such idea morality as well, (which seems now an old-fashioned, almost obsolete principle). But this is the way it is, take it or leave it. I honestly feel like... leaving it. What about you?

Results

Here is a logical, yet "illogical" expression: "I didn't deserve what happened to me". It is logical because you know you haven't done anything to make such an unpleasant event to materialize. On the contrary. You truly believe you have done your best to avoid it. So, how does it work, here? The reality is that it "doesn't", i.e. it doesn't work the way you expect. The physical world is regulated by strictly mathematical laws, yet what happens to us does not seem to follow such rule. Although two plus two always makes four, you can never be certain that your actions will always yield the results that your mind suggests as the logical consequence. Therefore you (I, everybody) 1. must accept the fact that the outcome is never sure, 2. do what you can and 3. ... hope for the best.

Who Are You?

An interesting question: Who are you?

You may answer, "I am John/Anna..." But this is your name.

You may say, "I am a doctor/a taxi driver..." But this is your job.

"I am Mr. X's wife/Mrs.Y's husband..." But this is your marital status.

"I am American/Chinese..." But this is your nationality. 

And so on.

Instead of giving a "definition" of your being, can you try to identify its "essence"?

A Big Gap

I was recently watching some documentaries by a well-known scientist and author, late Carl Sagan. Hearing about the greatness of the cosmos, being reminded of the fascinating story of how Earth and Life came about, I thought of the huge gap existing between such a grandiosity (in which mankind exists) and violent, petty behaviors of human beings, "us". I experienced a feeling of inadequacy, a realization of how badly the so-called homo sapiens is making use of his millions-of-years-long evolutionary story. A brain appeared, a spirit manifested... for what? To give birth to all the violence and pettiness we see? How sad! 

Only if more "awareness" is achieved, on a larger scale, may we hope for a more peaceful world. 

People Change

People change, we all know that. Have "you" changed? (since you were younger, in the last few years, recently)? Why have you changed? It is clear that our transformation is the result of both our own experiences and natural predisposition. As usual, there is never an established rule in the human behavior and, in fact, there are some individuals who never change, no matter what. But, in general, life molds the character, for the better or for the worse. Some people who used to be tough and bossy sometimes mellow down because they succeed in seeing the world from a different perspective. Unfortunately, it also happens the opposite, i.e. individuals who used to be sweet and pleasant turn into aggressive, hurtful, malicious beings. Is this  "natural"? No-one knows. It's just the reality of the human condition.