Don't Bottle Up!

Imagine a bottle on a table. You start pouring water into it. You pour a little at a time. The bottle slowly starts to fill up. If you continue pouring, when the bottle is full, what will happen? Easy. It will start to overflow. This is a simple, yet very suitable example of how your emotional world works. Day after day you add emotions, one at the time, into your emotional 'bottle'. If the emotions are good, by their own nature they dissolve in the form of a good mood, a feeling of pleasure. But, if the emotions are negative, they do not dissolve spontaneously. They pile up, one on top of the other. One day, you realize that they have formed many layers that fill up your inner being. Without gradually releasing them, one day they will 'overflow' in the form of a disease, depression, a huge outburst, a devastating crisis. "Release" is the word. Never allow the 'bottle' to fill so much that it overflows!

Precious 'Artifact'

Nowadays most people trust "experts" to solve their problems, so they put their physical, emotional, even spiritual wellness in the hands of "connoisseurs", whose opinion is kept into the highest consideration. A little story may be helpful, in this respect.                A child accidentally broke a precious pre-columbian artifact, a clay statuette of undefined shape. Afraid of being punished, he got some clay and molded a roughly similar figurine, which was then displayed in an exhibition. Here, all the experts/connoisseurs  highly praised it as a perfect example of pre-columbian art. (Later, when the statuette was about to be donated to a major museum, the child - afraid that the forgery might be discovered - confessed his doing.)

So much for the experts/connoisseurs!

Giving Without Receiving

 At times, life seams definitely out of balance. Let's say that you are a 'giver'. You give whatever may be required by people you love: material resources, time, availability, understanding.... But you don't receive anything back because the others seem to be either too busy or not ready/willing to reciprocate. So, you provide, listen, comfort, pay attention, give care but...when you need support, "they" are not there for you. Are they bad people? Are they ignoring you? Are they "not" loving you? No. They are simply so wrapped up in themselves that they can see only their own needs, problems and worries. That's why they are unable to  perceive yours. It can certainly be painful for you, it can make you feel unjustly treated - and you would be right. Nonetheless, what can you do? Your choice includes only two possibilities: keep on being selfless, and continue giving generously, or you may start giving less (against your own nature). You might also decide to express your feelings to the other person(s), but this doesn't usually entail a long-lasting change in them.      

Four Stages

Here is a reflection that may be useful to assess where you are in life. If you are very young, you look ahead with stars in your eyes. You imagine a brilliant future full of discoveries, of success, of exciting adventures.  It's all in your "mind". If you are an adult, your focus is on your career and, possibly, on starting a family. You feel that success is there for you to grasp, and fiercely endeavor to reach it. You are always moving, always acting, always busy. It's all in your "body". Later, at retirement time, you look back at your achievements. You are exiting the active world, your actual contribution slows down, you intend to enjoy some leisure  and dedicate yourself to relaxation and hobbies. You may enjoy this state or you may not. It's all in your "feelings". Much later, you experience a sort of detachment from it all. You look back and see the stages you have gone through, and appreciate what you have been able to do (you might also regret what you have avoided doing!). Your goal moves beyond the worldly experience and looks on higher realms. It's all in your "spirit".

"Un Ballo in Maschera"

The many TV commercials advertising for face masks bring to mind a famous opera by composer Giuseppe Verdi, "Un Ballo in Maschera" (= "A Masked Ball"). You just need to change one word: replace "ball" with "world", and you have a fair description of the present 'situation'. The place where you live (A Masked World) has an aspect that is different from what it used to be. This, 'outwardly'. What about 'inwardly'? Has anything changed? Have the problems, the difficulties, the hardship, the distancing, the forced loneliness made any change in your fellow beings, in yourself? Has all this upheaval contributed to introspection, to the realization of the true values to be pursued, to a greater awareness of the uncertainty of the human existence? If it hasn't, this "Masked Ball/World" has been useless. It hasn't  had any positive result in understanding the meaning of life.

Action Required

These days Nature is gradually waking up from its winter slumber.  Daffodils are among the first flowers to show up and make you feel that spring is coming. First a bright yellow color starts showing up under the closed sepals, which slowly open up into a beautiful corolla. A few days ago it was only a bud, tightly shut around itself. Then its essence started manifesting -  maturing into fullness, step by step. The same happens to your life. The full expression of who you are doesn't happen overnight. Your complete "self" is there, but it needs time to build its perfect 'structure'. How does it happen? Actually, it doesn't just 'happen'. It can only be done with your help, i.e. with your readiness to accept changes, to develop your skills, to improve your flaws (everybody has some!). The daffodil totally accepts Nature's action through just being, and so can you. But, in your case, also action is required.

Changing Habits

Imagine that you are moving from Europe to the USA. You are going to face some changes, some of which will be easy, some medium, others difficult. You learned English in a British school, so you will find American accent different. But adjusting to it will not be hard, just a matter of a few days. When it comes to temperature, though, it might be less easy. You are used to considering 0* as freezing point in the Celsius scale, therefore making it equal to 32F will take more effort. When the weather is warm and you hear people say that's 68F, well...it will take some effort for you to understand that it's actually 20C!! A more difficult adjustment in perspective is realizing that parents, in the US, expect their children to leave home when they turn 18, a concept totally unknown to European mentality. From these simple examples, you can understand that changing habits and viewpoints in general, or simply adjusting to new ways can present different degrees of difficulty. The good news is that they are "all" possible. Provided you are willing, and are motivated enough to do so.

Seeing Clearly

It has been said that awareness brings understanding, and that understanding brings the end of suffering. It's an interesting, even comforting statement. But...is it true? And, if it is, how does it really work? Let's see. Awareness means to perceive a fact as it really is. Understanding means to comprehend the nature of such fact. So, if you perceive a fact, it means that you acknowledge its reality, and if you acknowledge its reality you can also comprehend its meaning. Once you understand its meaning, you are able to intuit the reasons why it happened. Once such reasons become evident to your sensible mind, you may disagree with them, but you can't deny them or even condemn them. You will probably still feel the 'pain', or the 'hurt', but the actual 'suffering' will disappear. Why? Because understanding makes you capable of detaching yourself from the outcome. It's like watching a scary movie: you are frightened, but only 'superficially'. Deep inside you feel that you can move beyond such perception.

Unwelcome Result

A good old saying - that will never become obsolete - states that "the path to hell is paved by good intentions". One trait ingrained in the human nature is the desire to be 'helpful'. If you see an injustice being perpetrated, you want to contribute to making it right. If you see another human being suffering, you are willing to lend a helping hand, a compassionate ear, or a shoulder to cry upon. The problem arises in two cases: when you offer help that was not asked for (and clearly not desired), or when - although your offer was accepted - you overdo it. In the first case you impose your presence, your words or your actions to someone who would rather be left alone. In the second case, your good will overcomes some boundaries, making the recipient of your 'kindness' uncomfortable (to say the least). Your intentions are good? Think it twice before starting your 'crusade'!

Society Changes

Society changes: this is an unavoidable rule that mankind has undergone since time began. It's possible that in the past such change took a long time, while nowadays the pace is much faster. Fashion, ideas, tastes, habits, ways of expression and communication seem to be transformed, even reversed overnight. A need has been felt to obtain a greater freedom, which has consequently seen its boundaries widen more and more. As freedom is defined as 'the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint', most are brought to believe that all "rules" should be abolished, should become obsolete. Demanding the liberty to include offending others as an acceptable behavior, believing that abandoning all decency should be considered as normal, allowing words spread through every kind of media to portray as alluring "all" actions that please the individual: is this the wisest way to educate the youngsters  towards a beneficial, more fulfilling life?

Unchangeable Stage Setting

Some people don't like to confront or be confronted by new or different ideas that might disturb their view of the world. They are happy to live nestled in the lovely 'cave' or in the nice 'stage setting' they have created in their minds. Accordingly, they won't allow any thing that might challenge or upset it. They are afraid of change, so they prefer to bear the consequences of their close-mindedness rather than admit that other possibilities actually exist. This applies to all the diversified fields that can be identified in the human 'setting', which in fact create reality. Neither doubts nor disruptions are permitted in their established beliefs, in their deep-rooted convictions. Why? Simply because they feel that - if any of the wings on their stage setting are removed and replaced - their whole world will collapse.