Easy Excuses

Why endeavor to make some changes in yourself when you can achieve what you want, not minding if this can only be done by stepping on other people's feelings? It is much easier to lead a life of quick money, of selfish deeds, of exploitation and greed. As the pursuit of a more serene life, of a better understanding of others is sometimes difficult, some say, "Why should I bother? Why spend time and energy trying to understand what my partner (or colleague/parent/boss/sibling…) feels?". They think they don't need to find a compromise, to accept somebody else's reasons because they always believe to be right.  This is what they usually say to justify their behavior: Why should I? / I am not responsible for anyone else / I take care of myself and so should they / No one worries about my feelings / It's not fair. Thus you, too - if you belong to such “flock” - find excuses for your attitude towards indifference, impatience, even rejection.

Creative Focus

You have been told, over and over, that it's you who create your own reality. How do you feel about this statement? Do you believe that it is true or is it just wishful thinking? They say that your mind is the creator of your experiences. What does this actually mean? Science says that, according to quantum physics, nothing exists by itself, that an objective reality cannot have any substance. Things happen only when an observing mind makes all the possibilities of existence collapse into one single result, i.e. the human experience. So, how come that what you would like, need or wish for seldom materializes? Isn't your mind capable of focusing enough to make all your possible circumstances collapse into the only one you want? It might be worth trying to find a way to do this, if there is even just one chance of becoming the conscious "author" of the novel of your life.

A Serious Scenario

Everybody, one time or another (possibly more than 'one time') is faced by a particularly hard time. Not by just a single situation, but several - for a whole length of time. It seems that everything goes wrong, almost on a daily basis. Your health isn't good, a dear one is facing a problem, your bank account seems to shrink, things around the house keep needing urgent repair, or even replacement... What's going on? you wonder. No-one knows, really. It's one of those mysteries that will most probably remain unsolved...forever! You believe you are doing everything right: taking care of your health, looking after your dear ones, you are careful with your finances, you don't misuse your house appliances. Yet, things don't work the way they should, according to your logical reasoning. What to do? How to face such predicaments, especially when they seem to happen all at the same time? Just tell yourself that getting upset (or worse) would neither improve nor change anything. Accepting is hard, though? Yes, it is. But... got a better option?

Value vs. Usefulness

A question dawned on me: does a human being have an intrinsic value in himself, or is his value relative to his contribution to mankind? (The masculine pronouns and possessives I am using are referred to "all" human beings, to mankind in general). Each individual has a spiritual essence that guides him throughout his existence. He tries to be good towards himself and towards others. But would he be considered worth saving in an extremely difficult situation? Let's imagine that an astronaut were stranded on Mars. Would an expensive mission be organized just to save his life or, rather, for the useful information he might provide upon his return to Earth? A quote I remember reading long ago said, "Man's value is according to his knowledge". Debatable affirmation, I would say. At least, I "hope" it is debatable.

Detectable Meaning?

A well-known quote, and also the title of an interesting book, is: "Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it". What does this mean? First of all, 'what' is the meaning of life? It may be easier to answer about the 'goal' of life. Here you might say that the goal of life can be many different things, that it changes according to personality, age, circumstances, interests, material or spiritual needs etc. But...the meaning? And even if you are clever enough to find it, "who" changes it? Who are "they"? Your friends? The media? Society in general? Or just your partner or your boss? In order to even try to find an answer, you should first discover what Life is - in its very essence. Beside being here on Earth, beside existing in a physical form, day after day - facing challenge after challenge, pleasure and pain, fulfillment and disappointment, happiness and gloom - is there a "real" meaning, i.e. a reason for all this to happen?

Say "Yes"!

Every now and then you, like everybody else, undergo difficult spells. Your body may ache, you may have a quarrel with a dear one, maybe your finances are troubling you or a project you cared a lot about fails... No-one is immune from the challenges that life seems to enjoy throwing at you. Being alive means you have to accept the rules (or the seemingly lack of them) that govern the world. The hardest part of accepting some predicaments is the fact that you don't understand the reason for their happening. They just materialize, as sudden and 'pleasant' as a brick falling on your head, whose provenance you are totally unaware of. What to do to minimize their effect on your spirit? Once again, it's hard to say. There is no recipe to sweeten the bitter taste or lift up your mood. Accept them willingly, as you cannot avoid them? Socrates said "Yes" when he was compelled to drink the hemlock.

Mind-Body Connection

Here is a very important question that you might believe you have already asked yourself. You may actually have but… what about the answer? Have you been totally sincere? Here is the question: “Are my body and my mind in harmony?”. Think deeply and honestly about the state of your body: weight, health, exercise, eating, drinking, sleeping habits… How are you doing? See if there is something that should and could be changed and improved. You definitely know what a good healthy diet is. You know that some daily exercise is good for you. You are aware that you need a certain amount of sleep. Do you do your things correctly? Now examine the state of your mind: What are the usual thoughts that you entertain? This is a very challenging exercise because, as soon as you detect a negative thought, you will immediately try to find a justification to it. A justification is simply an attempt to avoid responsibility. If you want, you can find an excuse to any kind of behavior, thought or belief. Being honest about it is a bit more difficult. Are you honest enough to recognize that some of your thoughts and beliefs are not totally true, right or beneficial to the state of your mind? 

Lost Sheep

We often use metaphors about sheep to point out human behaviors. Thus we have the "black sheep" and the "lost sheep". Reflecting upon the "lost sheep" idea, it seems to make sense. Imagine a flock wandering around while the shepherd leads them towards new pastures. Realizing that one sheep is missing, he leaves the flock and rushes back to look for the lost one, till he finds it. This imaginary situation suggests several considerations - overlooking the "happy ending". First of all, why did that particular sheep get lost? If the flock moves in a compact group, none should lose their way. If all human beings moved in the same (positive) direction, they would all follow the principles of good behavior, such as love, cooperation, understanding, acceptance etc. On the contrary, it seems that, nowadays, more than "one" are unwilling to follow the (sometimes difficult) path towards spiritually uplifting 'pastures' and prefer to linger where the way is easier.

'Your' Love

The idea you have of love may be an obstacle to your happiness. How can this be? Your perception of love as mutual donation of affection, as a communion of souls is fine. The problem arises when you are convinced that without this kind of love you cannot be happy. 'Love' is wonderful, but insufficient to provide you with eternal bliss, because it is transient. Can you keep those wonderful feelings of devotion, selflessness, with neither judgement nor resentment...'all the time'? As long as “you and me”, “me and the others”, “I am right and you are wrong”, “You did this to me” etc… persist, your understanding of 'love' cannot give you (or anybody else) lasting happiness. 

Knowledge

I used to believe that I "knew". What? A lot of stuff, such as why things and people are in a certain way, or why my reactions were such and such. I believed that situations could be explained following logic, and circumstances could be changed. What about you? Are you still sure that you have full knowledge of the functioning of your life? That you are right in thinking and judging the way you do? I, personally, have fully experienced the truth of Socrates' famous affirmation, "The only thing I know is that I don't know anything". I realized that all we hold for certain is not certain at all; that the causes or reasons we usually attribute to the facts of life can be wrong - and most times they are. What to do with such seemingly negative perspective? Just accept it, if you agree. On the other hand, if you disagree and still believe that you "understand" - or if you are not even interested in the subject - good for you. Fewer headaches!

Is Righteousness Always Right?

Is righteousness always 'right'? The meaning of this word clearly refers to a positive quality. But my doubt still stands: does the fact that you are right in what you say or do, give you total freedom of expression? What if the free expression of your righteousness damages someone else? I have never felt that extreme openness is always the best way to express oneself. On the contrary, I believe that we should always take into consideration the impact, and then the consequences that our words and actions may have on someone else's life. I know that many don't agree because they believe in...'truth at all costs', intending by 'truth' their personal (no matter how correct) opinion. But it also seems that, persisting in such behavior, they don't take other people's feelings into great consideration.

A Few More Questions

* How do I perceive other people's attitude? Is it usually
   supportive? (Whose in particular?) 

* Do I feel I “need” them? (Why?)

* In what areas of my life am I less fulfilled?

* What might the reasons be?

* Do I tend to blame others for my dissatisfaction? (Anyone in

   particular?)

* What kind of changes could I make in my life to improve its 

   quality? (household /work / relationships / finances / emotional 

   state / spiritual path)

In conclusion: How do I “judge” my overall situation? Do I perceive the need to actually change anything? 

'Serious' Introspection Questions

Ask yourself and answer honestly: 

* In what areas of my life  am I more satisfied? (relationships, work, finances...)

* What do I think might have contributed to my contentment? 

   (circumstances, state of mind, other people's behavior ….)

* How much do I believe my attitude might have been important?

* Do I think I should change something in myself? What?

Let’s stop here. Some more ‘serious’ introspection soon!

Just In Case

Are you  satisfied with what you have? Think about your family, friends, job, house, clothes etc. As you are so used to having people and things in your life, you often tend to forget they are there. You take everything for granted and you don't remember to be “grateful” because you don’t realize that what you have is a ‘bonus’ that could disappear tomorrow. You can be certain of absolutely nothing, therefore it is important to acknowledge the “gifts” you have been given. You may say, “But I am entitled. I have worked to get what I have.” Yes, you have, but you are entitled to ‘nothing’. Does it sound unfair? Even if you refuse to accept it, you may still not get what you believe you deserve. But it could happen. So, why not decide on a suitable reaction, just in case?