Behavior: Yours vs. Theirs

If you have ever examined your behavior towards others, you may have discovered different ways you relate to your fellow human beings in order to know yourself better. Can you complete this task by analyzing the other side of the coin? You can do this by asking how you - yourself -  judge the behavior of others towards you. This attempt will yield interesting results because they will help you to see if  the way others behave towards you might be determined by "your own" behavior. You are used to complaining and often accusing someone else of treating your unfairly. But how often do you endeavor to understand "why" they did or are doing this to you?

Create a Better Reality

A wise person is able to face unpleasant outcomes willingly - sometimes even with a smile. It’s not easy but it can be done. How? By convincing yourself that it is better to accept than to fight. Why? Because there are certain ‘battles’ in life that you simple cannot win. In spite of your efforts and determination, not always are you in control of the situation, especially when other people or outside conditions are involved. In such case, you may have the tendency to blame others or your bad luck for what is happening. When you do that, you make things even worse because you build up more negativity inside yourself. On the other hand, once you succeed in accepting unpleasant happenings as an undeniable and often unavoidable reality, you are also able to shape a more serene way of carrying out your daily existence. 

The Myth of Control

One of the greatest needs of human beings is to feel in control of…. practically everything. You need to know that what is happening in your life is according to your wishes. If it isn’t, you freak out. You feel powerless, you believe you are being treated unfairly, you think the whole world is against you. You cannot accept that Life happens independently from your plans and desires. What you can control is simply your reaction to what happens. There are times when you can 'forecast' the outcome of a certain action, but it is never for sure. You may simply assume that the result will be such and such. Nevertheless - sad but true - you can never be certain one hundred per cent. Accept it!

Respect or Lack of It

You may either feel that people you usually deal with (family, friends, colleagues) respect you enough, or they tend to ignore what you say or criticize you. They might even expect you to behave the way 'they' want. If this is the case, it is likely that you feel resentment towards them for their disrespect, or towards yourself for allowing such situation to persist. If you believe you resent your accepting attitude towards bossy behaviors, think about what could be done to improve the situation. Figure out an active action you could undertake and what the consequences might be - in your household, workplace or environment in general. Finally, if you believe that such step could yield a positive result, ask yourself if you are ready to take it. If you are.... go for it!

Conform Or Not Conform?

Most people feel the need to “fit in”, to be part of a group, to be accepted by their peers. This, of course, is not a bad thing – and it is quite natural. The problem arises when you feel that you don’t belong to that group, that you think differently from your friends or colleagues but, in order not to become an outcast, you compel yourself to become as acceptable as possible to their eyes. Ask yourself, “Do I consider myself a conformist?”. Once you have decided if you are or if you aren’t, try to find out the reasons for your answer. If you say ‘no’, find out how you show your open-mindedness and independence from the general opinions and beliefs. If your answer is ‘yes’, detect to what extent you are ready to conform. Finally, do you honestly consider the opinion of others better, smarter than yours?

Denying Responsibility

When things happen, when situations arise, when conflicts are created, there is necessarily a cause. Such cause might be somebody else’s behavior, but it might as well be your own. It is not easy to realize and accept that you may have acted in a way that actually caused the problem. How do you react in such situations?Ask how often you feel the need to justify yourself. Some people are always ready to give excuses while trying to avoid the responsibility for any unpleasant occurrence. Are you one of those? Accepting responsibility is not an easy task. Some have such courage, others don’t. The former aren’t ashamed of admitting their mistakes, the latter try to hide their inner weakness by denying their fallibility. Being humans means making mistakes. But not everyone is brave enough to accept such reality.

Decision Making

Some people are quick in making decisions, others are slow. Some are sure of the decisions they make, others are always uncertain and need feedback and advice from others. Some are usually satisfied with the decisions they made, others keep having regrets. As each human being is different from the other, it is easily understandable how behaviors and reactions can be so dissimilar. Not for everybody is it easy to make a commitment, solve a problem or choose how to deal with a person or a situation. What about you? Ask yourself, “Am I usually happy with my decisions?” and then bring back to your memory some specific cases in which you were or weren’t satisfied with your resolve. Each course of action previously taken should later be examined carefully in order to understand what was done right and what was done wrong. Only in this way can you learn from your past experiences.